Dear Expecting Mothers…
Please… I beg you. Look at what your child’s name will be when spelled backwards.Sincerely,Marlana
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
There’s only 1 rule in learning English
1.) Their our know rules
Insomnia is awful
But not to worry, on the plus side, only 6 more sleeps till 2021
My friend was driving a piece of junk car yesterday, and I saw him drive a luxury SUV today.
Well, that Escaladed quickly.
I went to Borders and asked the blonde for a book about turtles
She said ‘hardback?’So I replied, ‘yeah, with 4 legs and little heads’
I was about to tell a joke about Unemployment
but it needs some work.
What’s the difference between a brown family and a white family?
On an average the brown parents have 4 kids while the white kids have 4 parents.
I caught my mate drinking brake fluid the other day
He Says he can stop any time he wants
What concert costs 45 cents
50 cent feat. nickelback
What do you do with 365 used condoms?
Melt them down, make a tire and call it a ‘Good Year’.
I was going to post a time travelling joke.
But you guys didn’t like it.
I got fired at the calendar factory today
It isn’t fair either, all I did was I took a few days off
If you enjoy 2020
Don’t worry because 2022 will be 2020 too.
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
Every day I’m thankful that I live in Scotland.
When I am on my death bed surrounded by my friends and family my final words will be
“You guys want to see a dead body?”
dad joke
what are you if you put a picture of yourself in a locketindependent
Got an ice cream for my girlfriend
Best trade i ever made.
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I am thankful every day that I live in Canada.
Why do dads always take pictures?
Cause they are your paparazzi
After all that shit I’m surprised they are back together
Friend: whoMe: my ass cheeksI know it’s a shit post
Why does Santa have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
If anyone says you have to work 365 days in 2020 in order to succeed, they don’t have your best interests in mind and is preaching toxic hustle culture
You need to work 366 days cause it’s a leap year
“Dad, I’m so excited. I got a B in reading!”
Dad: That’s a D, idiot.
Since it’s New Years, I can say I haven’t showered in a year!
Actually it’s probably been about a year and a half
A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was
I said “Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want”.
What’s it called when you marry a shoemaker?
Marrying your sole-mate
My brain: knows NYE stands for New year’s Eve.Also my brain: New…
My brain: knows NYE stands for New year’s Eve.Also my brain: New York eity
Knock-knock
Who’s there?Abby.Abby who?Abby new year!
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.
Uno, dos… poof. He disappeared without a tres.
Early Celebrations
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5thWhy?Because I like to reduce fractions.Happy New Year