How many Walmarts are in Iran?
None but there are 52 Targets
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
A skeleton walks into a bar,
he orders a beer and a mop
“I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire wikipedia.”
“Wait, I can explain everything!”
What do Melania and the Donald have in common?
They’re both fucking stupid.
If I put self raising flour on it…
Does that mean I still have to pay child support?
I hit a new high today, but my wife tells me that it’s actually the lowest I’ve ever been.
Turns out substance abuse isn’t a joke.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm
”two beers, ” he says ”one for me, and one for the road.”
What’s the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia?
About 15 seconds
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask him politely.
I punched a woman in the tit once
She had no mammary of the event.
I confronted my Gardner about him masterbating in my garden…
Instead of giving me a straight answer he started beating around the bush.
Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I immediately throw half of them in the trash.
I don’t want unlucky people working in our department.
Trump: Hey Siri how many miles did I ran today?
Siri: Ok, Sending missiles to Iran today.
Nobody knew who the Iranian general was a few days ago…
He just kinda blew up
I made a quick drawing of a dark alleyway yesterday.
It’s a very sketchy place.
Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?
All the DNA matches and there’s no dental records.
A Mexican Magician…
…told his audience he’d disappear on the count of three.He began counting “Uno, dos…”And he disappeared without a tres.
Commas can really change the meaning in a sentence.
For example: Ben is in a hurry. Vs Ben is in a coma
Trump: Siri, how many miles did i ran today?
Siri: Sending missiles to Iran today.
A Roman walks into a bar, Holds up 2 fingers, and says
“5 beers please”
My girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop pointing out random exits and entrances
I said: “There’s the door”
I got kicked in the nuts at Midnight on New Years.
I started the year off on the highest note possible.
This Soleimani dude has become pretty famous lately…
It’s as if he just blew up overnight.
A farmer asks his wife to tell something that makes him both happy and sad.
His wife replies: You have the biggest dick in the whole village.
What do you call a black man flying a plane
A pilot, you racist bastards
I had some good news today; a TV Station have commissioned my new show about what goes on inside a cockpit.
We’re filming the pilot next week.
Where do sick ducks go?
To a quack doctor.
Trumps so good at making jobs
He even opened some up in Iran!
How are women and tornadoes alike?
First, there is a lot of sucking and blowing then you lose your house.
What’s the difference between a kiss and anal sex?
A kiss will make your day, but anal will make your hole weak.