What’s the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia?
About 15 seconds
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask him politely.
I punched a woman in the tit once
She had no mammary of the event.
I confronted my Gardner about him masterbating in my garden…
Instead of giving me a straight answer he started beating around the bush.
Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I immediately throw half of them in the trash.
I don’t want unlucky people working in our department.
Trump: Hey Siri how many miles did I ran today?
Siri: Ok, Sending missiles to Iran today.
Nobody knew who the Iranian general was a few days ago…
He just kinda blew up
I made a quick drawing of a dark alleyway yesterday.
It’s a very sketchy place.
Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?
All the DNA matches and there’s no dental records.
A Mexican Magician…
…told his audience he’d disappear on the count of three.He began counting “Uno, dos…”And he disappeared without a tres.
Commas can really change the meaning in a sentence.
For example: Ben is in a hurry. Vs Ben is in a coma
Trump: Siri, how many miles did i ran today?
Siri: Sending missiles to Iran today.
A Roman walks into a bar, Holds up 2 fingers, and says
“5 beers please”
My girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop pointing out random exits and entrances
I said: “There’s the door”
I got kicked in the nuts at Midnight on New Years.
I started the year off on the highest note possible.
This Soleimani dude has become pretty famous lately…
It’s as if he just blew up overnight.
A farmer asks his wife to tell something that makes him both happy and sad.
His wife replies: You have the biggest dick in the whole village.
What do you call a black man flying a plane
A pilot, you racist bastards
I had some good news today; a TV Station have commissioned my new show about what goes on inside a cockpit.
We’re filming the pilot next week.
Where do sick ducks go?
To a quack doctor.
Trumps so good at making jobs
He even opened some up in Iran!
How are women and tornadoes alike?
First, there is a lot of sucking and blowing then you lose your house.
What’s the difference between a kiss and anal sex?
A kiss will make your day, but anal will make your hole weak.
I heard my son’s first words today
“Dad where have you been?”
People say that Jesus died a virgin
I don’t get it, didn’t he get nailed in the end?
Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.
I mean he just blew up overnight.
My internet is slow but hopefully this posts quickly…HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Have a great 2019!
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are ugly.
Yes, you are ugly. Just don’t let anyone tell you that.
What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A slut sleeps with everyoneA bitch sleeps with everyone except you