JOKESTER
Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
JOKESTER
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
JOKESTER
If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you’re probably still an idiot.
JOKESTER
Half of relationships end because of bad sex .Mine however ended because of good sex… With another Woman.
JOKESTER
I must admit, I really miss being at work and bitching about not wanting to be at work.
JOKESTER
l got bored staying in with this lockdown, so for something to do l measured my dick…. now l’m bored & depressed.
Guy walks into a bar
Most bars in the world are closed right now
JOKESTER
We’re looking for someone to eat macaroni and cheese at the end of our bed while we have sex. No weirdos please.
JOKESTER
I must admit, I really miss being at work and bitching about not wanting to be at work.
JOKESTER
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the next door neighbor….
JOKESTER
I’ll bet in the future y’all are going to have 2nd thoughts before saying “I hope this weekend lasts forever”.
JOKESTER
I don’t think anyone expected when we changed the clocks, that we’d go from Standard Time to the fucking Twilight Zone
Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
I’m kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer
Yeah, I gave ’em my too weak notice
I have a friend who circumsises elephants.
It doesn’t pay much, but the tips are huge!
What’s the difference between a boner and a bonus?
Your wife will never refuse an opportunity to blow your bonus.
Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
I haven’t understood a single joke since this quarantine started.
They must all be inside jokes.
My epileptic son loves our new Christmas Tree
You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
Why don’t black people ever go on cruises?
They’re not falling for that one again.
A man walks into a bar carrying a plastic bag
Walks into a bar
I work in a hospital, and I found a rectal thermometer in my pocket today.
Some asshole must have my pen.
I hated the quarantine at first. Then I realized I have everything I need at my house, and I slowly started loving the isolation.
Probably it’s stock home syndrome.
A buddy once asked me if I’ve ever stuck it in her, you know, “other hole”.
I said that’s dumb because she might get pregnant.
Next year, I’m moving to Greenwich, England
I don’t know what I’m going to do in the mean time
A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” She replied, “I’d take half then leave you.”
“Sweet!”, he replied. “I won $20. Here’s $10. Now bugger off.”
I’m going to open a restaurant called “I don’t care”
That way I can finally go to that place my girlfriend is always talking about.
When is the best time to commit suicide?
Ate a glock in the morning.
Why did the transgender person disappear after they gave birth?
They became transparent.
If the price of oil goes any lower
Exxon Mobil might have to lay off some members of Congress