Sorry About the Car, Darling
Wife: Darling, I made you pancakes to say sorry for hitting the car last night.Husband: You did WHAT?!Wife: Pancakes…
Car Jokes
Car jokes and driving humor to get your engine running. From backseat drivers and parking fails to mechanics, traffic and the mystery of that warning light, these funny car jokes are built for anyone who loves the open road. Buckle up, the puns are coming in fast.
I’m going through a lot right now.
I’m going through a lot right now. Mostly because my car brakes stopped working.
I still remember the day my mum and dad told me that Santa…
I still remember the day my mum and dad told me that Santa wasn’t real. I was heart broken… I jumped in my car and… Read More »I still remember the day my mum and dad told me that Santa…
Which car is best for off-road?
Which car is best for off-road? A company car…
I’ve never been able to tell my mechanic my car problems, with…
I’ve never been able to tell my mechanic my car problems, with out reverting to sound effects
We thought it was our ability to love that made us human, but it…
We thought it was our ability to love that made us human, but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE… Read More »We thought it was our ability to love that made us human, but it…
My GF says she was born by Cesarean section.
My GF says she was born by Cesarean section. I always wondered why she left my car through the sunroof.
The mechanic asked me if I’ve ever rotated my tires.
The mechanic asked me if I’ve ever rotated my tires. How does he think I got here?
My GPS just told me to turn around.
My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can’t see where I’m driving.
Driving down the road today.
Driving down the road today. I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying: “I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.”… Read More »Driving down the road today.
Where is my shoe
I drove my secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at our office party. Although nothing had happened, I decided… Read More »Where is my shoe
Still haven’t found
Bono from U2 is the voice of my cars GPS. It sucks. The streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking… Read More »Still haven’t found
Check
My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the UPS driver knocked on our door to see if everything was alright
My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti…
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
The Mature Lady
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding… Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?Traffic Cop: Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding.Older Woman: Oh,… Read More »The Mature Lady
DIVORCE
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and… Read More »DIVORCE
My friend was driving a piece of junk car yesterday, and I saw him drive a luxury SUV today.
Well, that Escaladed quickly.
A boy was born without a body
A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the… Read More »A boy was born without a body
My taxi driver asked me what I did for a living.
Me: work as a web developer and also part time as a graphic designer.Driver: I don’t like working for anyone, I like to be my… Read More »My taxi driver asked me what I did for a living.
I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards.
I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering
A married man arrives piss drunk to his home, he hardly makes it into his house after making a mess… in the morning he wakes up with a “breakfast for champions” in front of him, and he is like… what???…
A married man arrives piss drunk to his home, he hardly makes it into his house after making a mess… in the morning he wakes… Read More »A married man arrives piss drunk to his home, he hardly makes it into his house after making a mess… in the morning he wakes up with a “breakfast for champions” in front of him, and he is like… what???…
Couples Counsellor: So, what brings you here today?
My wife: I can’t stand it any more. He’s too literal.Me: My truck.
Why does Santa never have to pay for parking his sleigh?
Because it’s always on the house!
A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.
Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?” To which the nun replies “hell no” and proceeded to get off… Read More »A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.
So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at a college. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed
Now. I didn’t realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.… Read More »So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at a college. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed
John gets pulled over on the highway for speeding…
John: “Is there a problem officer?”Cop: “You exceeded 80 in 55 zone. May I see your license?”John: “ahhhh, why don’t I spare you the trouble,… Read More »John gets pulled over on the highway for speeding…
Why don’t Switzerland’s cars have brakes?
Because their always on neutral.
Veloster vs Miata
Hey guys… I’m looking for advice here. I currently own a Miata, and since I’ll be overseas studying in a year or so I’ll need… Read More »Veloster vs Miata