There are rumours that the reason I’m leaving the company is because I was fired for breaking the windshield of my boss’s Honda car…
the truth is… It’s of my own Accord
Car Jokes
Car jokes and driving humor to get your engine running. From backseat drivers and parking fails to mechanics, traffic and the mystery of that warning light, these funny car jokes are built for anyone who loves the open road. Buckle up, the puns are coming in fast.
What is a Nascar driver’s favorite kind of war?
It’s a Race War
What makes the most sense
So I plan on trading my truck in with my next auto purchase. I have an additional 30k saved. I assume it would make more… Read More »What makes the most sense
In defense of the Car Mechanic in MP9 and MP10!
Ok, downvote me I don’t care. People say it removes strategy from the game? Wow… no. Because you have to adapt to what they do,… Read More »In defense of the Car Mechanic in MP9 and MP10!
You’d think anybody being given a multi-storey car park in the CBD would be cock-a-hoop but no, not Mariah Carey…
She told him repeatedly she didn’t want a lot for Christmas.
Winter Racism
Something about Winter makes Minnesotans super racist. Everyone I know keeps saying when I’m driving I gotta watch out for black guys.
A man is driving and hits a woman. Who’s fault is it?
It’s the mans fault. Why would he be driving in the kitchen?
Why does the KKK prefer driving Lincoln’s?
Cause as they say they are “All White, All White, All White!”This is satire, please don’t ban me. Fuck racism!
The Girlfriend of Nightmares
So I recently moved into a new neighborhood and it’s a pretty nice area. After a couple of weeks, a moving truck pulls up and… Read More »The Girlfriend of Nightmares
I just rear ended a car and damaged the bumper.
It was an accident
An old, beat up sedan rear-ends a shiny, sleek coupe.
The sedan’s owner, an old man, gets out and shuffles to the front of his sedan to examine the damage. A younger couple rushes out… Read More »An old, beat up sedan rear-ends a shiny, sleek coupe.
So I was driving Uber tonight…
So I was driving Uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCC. She sat in the front and we were… Read More »So I was driving Uber tonight…
Young woman on Soho crosswalk killed by box truck reversing the whole block and our dumbo NYPD “suspect no criminality”
A “gruesome scene” according to the Daily News. “The truck went in reverse on Broadway from Canal St. north to Howard St., where it struck… Read More »Young woman on Soho crosswalk killed by box truck reversing the whole block and our dumbo NYPD “suspect no criminality”
Why does Milton Keynes have so many roundabouts?
It’s so that if you’re driving into Milton Keynes, you can easily turn around, and then you won’t be driving into Milton Keynes any more.
Today I took a taxi. The passenger before me had left his wallet behind on the backseat
Inside was a picture of my wife and kids.
I like my coffee like I like my women
Smoking hot and all over my lap while I’m driving
Is the Model 3 LR worth an extra 10k for insecure drivers in snow?
So, range wise, SR+ should be enough. But paying an extra 10k is not not nothing. Is 10k more worth it, provided I put on… Read More »Is the Model 3 LR worth an extra 10k for insecure drivers in snow?
A guy is driving past the White House….
…and he sees that the road is blocked, but they are letting cars through one at a time. There are crowds on the sidewalk, shouting,… Read More »A guy is driving past the White House….
Adam Driver walks into a bar…
The bartender says,”Why the long face?”
What should they say about you when you’re dead?
Tom, Dick and Harry where in a terrible car accident. Sadly, they all died. They followed the light through the tunnel and arrived at the… Read More »What should they say about you when you’re dead?
I drove my new car out of the lot only to find the reverse gear broken.
There’s no going back now.
Isn’t it so fucking cool that birds are dinosaurs?
Like you look at the history books and go back millions of years to the dinos. There are massive herbivores the size of buildings. There… Read More »Isn’t it so fucking cool that birds are dinosaurs?
I bought some new brake pads imported from Israel
My car can now stop on a dime
Driving the Kids to School
Son: “Dad, what’s and alcoholic?”Dad: “Son, do you see those 4 cars ahead of us? An alcoholic would see 8.”Son: But, dad there’s only 2.”
Y stands for Yanker…
The self-driving chap,He greases his pole and provokes his own sap.Absolved of the need of a quarrelsome wife,He humps himself nightly and lives a great… Read More »Y stands for Yanker…
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road
because it got hit by a car
Drunk driver
Police officer to a drunk driver: How high are you? Driver : it is “Hi, How are you”, sir.
I am almost sure that I shouldn’t be driving my crappy car around town.
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
A country singers truck
With the evolution of self driving cars it’s not gonna take long before a country singers truck leaves him as well as his wife.
I had a kid in the back of a police car
i named it nina