The Best Thing About Marriage
The best thing about marriage is being able to say “I’ll have to check with my wife” about anything you have absolutely no intention of doing.
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Love a good groan? Our 100 dad jokes are the corniest puns in the collection.
The best thing about marriage is being able to say “I’ll have to check with my wife” about anything you have absolutely no intention of doing.
All the times my wife has asked me “What do you want for dinner?”, I have never once guessed right.
If a husband makes you happy, what difference does it make whose he is!
These days, to be original, it’s enough to be kind and normal.
Every dad has a secret mission: to make his children roll their eyes at least once a day. These 100 dad jokes are his ammunition.… Read More »100 Dad Jokes So Bad They’re Actually Good
The difference between AI and people is that AI can admit its mistakes, go back to its earlier conclusions and start reasoning all over again. That’s why people laugh at it.
Scientists hide knowledge where fools will never find it. In books.
A woman’s affair is a moment of weakness. A man’s affair is a moment of hardness.
How do I leave my comfort zone if I’ve never once been in it?
My Persian cat made a Persian Gulf on my Persian rug.
Biology textbooks will no longer say “parasites”. The politically correct term is now “effective bio-managers”.
200 dirty jokes for adults, hand-picked and sorted: dirty one-liners, marriage, dating, doctors and porn. Short, filthy, strictly 18+.
300 of the best short jokes and one-liners, sorted by topic: work, marriage, drinking, tech, animals, puns and more. All clean enough to read out loud.
Fifty of the best one-liners on the internet: short, clean jokes about work, marriage, drinking and life. Quick to read, easy to steal.
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo Ingles.”
I’m not really a fan of purple, unless it’s…Deep Purple 💜 🚬💧
Keith Richards turned 80 yesterday, weird thing is that he looked like he was 80 over 30 years ago…
“I just did a selfie!” sounds better than, “I just masturbated.”
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!” – One of the staff: “Um, boss, this is a Zoom meeting.”
How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap… Asking for myself.
l want my children to have all the things in the world l could never afford. Then I’m going to move in with them.
I have no idea why this cop is so pissed off! I yelled “just kidding” and IMMEDIATLY gave him his gun back!
You know, the band “Fine Young Cannibals” originally had 8 members.
When someone says, “It’s better than sex” they haven’t been having the right kind of sex.
Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”… I nearly died.
If I was in marketing I’d advise a company that makes pregnancy tests to call them Maybe Baby.
Sometimes I’ll be sitting on the couch doing nothing, and I’ll think to myself, “Man, I’m really getting good at this.”
I’d like to see the guy who invented beer and ask him what’s he working on now.
Agents of special services who were caught in infidelity by their wives are discharged from work due to unsuitability.
Due to Inflation, the Five Second Rule has been extended to Ten Seconds.