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One-Liners

More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.

Love a good groan? Our 100 dad jokes are the corniest puns in the collection.

A Question for Single Men

Men without wives, I have just one question for you: How do you know what you are supposed to be doing?

Just Like Dr. House

“My doctor is just like Dr. House.” “That brilliant?” “No. He limps on the same leg.”

The Matrix in Reverse

If you watch The Matrix backwards, it is the story of a guy who gets off pills and finds a stable office job.

The Pocket Test

Want to know if your wife goes through your pockets? Put a condom in one.

Ads With Real Actors

I keep catching myself staring at ads with real human actors in them. Vinyl collectors do roughly the same thing. Author: Stoycho Dimitrov

The Best Thing About Marriage

The best thing about marriage is being able to say “I’ll have to check with my wife” about anything you have absolutely no intention of doing.

Never Guessed Right

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All the times my wife has asked me “What do you want for dinner?”, I have never once guessed right.

Whose Husband

If a husband makes you happy, what difference does it make whose he is!

The Difference Between AI and People

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The difference between AI and people is that AI can admit its mistakes, go back to its earlier conclusions and start reasoning all over again. That’s why people laugh at it.

Where They Hide It

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Scientists hide knowledge where fools will never find it. In books.

Weakness and Hardness

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A woman’s affair is a moment of weakness. A man’s affair is a moment of hardness.

Comfort Zone

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How do I leave my comfort zone if I’ve never once been in it?

Persian Gulf

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My Persian cat made a Persian Gulf on my Persian rug.

Effective Bio-Managers

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Biology textbooks will no longer say “parasites”. The politically correct term is now “effective bio-managers”.

Masked Rodent (58200)

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After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo Ingles.”

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