A short joke has nowhere to hide. No setup to sit through, no five characters to keep track of, just a sentence that turns on you at the last word. Here are 300 of the best short jokes and one-liners from the more than 1,900 in our one-liners category, picked by hand and sorted by topic so you can find the one you need in a hurry. Everything on this page is safe to read out loud at work or at the dinner table. If you want the rude ones, they live separately in our dirty jokes for adults.
Jump to: Work and Money · Marriage and Dating · Drinking and Food · Tech and Science Jokes · Animal Jokes · Health, Age and Being Lazy · Puns and Wordplay · Politics and the News · Christmas and Holiday Jokes
Short Jokes About Work and Money
1. Man: I was just checking to see if I could get the day off to help my wife with the yearly Christmas cleaning. Boss: Absolutely not. Man: Thank you so much, I knew I could count on you.
2. Our boss said: we will continue having these meetings every day until I find out why no work is being done.
3. I came for an interview and fell asleep on the couch. I said: see how quickly I adapt to a new place.
4. My boss rang me and apologised for not believing I was sick. Then he told me he had seen my posts on thefun.net and realised that I am as sick as it gets.
5. Tired of losing money in the stock market? Come visit our online casino.
6. The mechanic asked me if I had ever rotated my tires. How does he think I got here?
7. Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.
8. Boss: I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath! Employee: Um, boss, this is a Zoom meeting.
9. My boss pays me just enough so he knows I won’t quit, so I do just enough work so he knows he won’t fire me.
10. I don’t work well under pressure. Or under any other circumstances.
11. Whenever I get a stack of CVs, I immediately throw half of them in the bin. I don’t want unlucky people working in our department.
12. Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
13. I got fired on my first day as a coin flip referee. I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything.
14. I got fired from the calendar factory today. All I did was take a few days off.
15. I was about to tell a joke about unemployment, but it needs some work.
16. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people. None of them work.
17. If the price of oil goes any lower, the oil companies might have to lay off some members of Congress.
18. Want to know a job that isn’t doing very well right now? Archaeology. It’s in ruins.
19. I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians, until I realised it was a pyramid scheme.
20. Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don’t think I can ever repay you.
21. How to retire at the age of 18: get a job at a tire shop.
22. If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation is lazy, I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
23. If I only had a week to live, I’d spend every day of it at work. There, even eight hours last forever.
24. Good news: a TV station has commissioned my new show about what goes on inside a cockpit. We’re filming the pilot next week.
25. I admit it. I’m an unemployed leather worker. I’ve got nothing to hide.
26. What’s another term for an unpaid internship? A preoccupation.
27. One benefit of living in a van: you can go basically anywhere on house arrest.
28. I designed a car. It’s good, but it can’t go backwards. I guess I’m not that good at reverse engineering.
29. Please describe yourself in ten words. I am sorry, but I do not understand the question.
30. I’m a genius. I finished this really hard puzzle in only six months. The box said two to four years.
31. I took a lie detector test. When I said my second name, the detector exploded.
32. I was kidnapped by mimes four years ago today. The things they did to me were unspeakable.
33. At his wedding, my friend called me the worst best man he’s ever seen. I was speechless.
Short Jokes About Marriage and Dating
34. I am your secret admirer. Why is it secret? My wife does not have to find out.
35. My wife and I have an open relationship. Found out last night.
36. Wife: I have heard that men start to go deaf if they take Viagra often. Husband: Who is Jeff and why is he taking you to Niagara?
37. There is a cure for nymphomania, but it is expensive. It can be cheap, but most people want a big ceremony, an open bar at the reception and so on.
38. Once upon a time they were known as love birds. Then they found love and got married. Now they are angry birds.
39. My wife said she’s not with me because I have money. She just likes my company.
40. I’m seriously thinking about remarrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.
41. After my wife heard about a woman’s right to shoes, she went out and bought twelve new pairs.
42. My wife is pregnant, but due to supply chain issues we’re expecting the baby late.
43. My wife just completed a 40-week bodybuilding course. It’s a boy, and he weighs eleven pounds.
44. A man asks his wife: what would you do if I won the lottery? She says: I’d take half and leave you. Sweet, he says, I won twenty dollars. Here’s ten. Now off you go.
45. I’m going to open a restaurant called I Don’t Care. That way I can finally go to that place my girlfriend is always talking about.
46. My girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop pointing out random exits and entrances. I said: there’s the door.
47. I’ve been dating a girl who works at the zoo. I’m pretty sure she’s a keeper.
48. All my friends joked that the girl I have a date with is imaginary. Well, the joke is on them, because so are they.
49. A man asked his wife how much longer she was going to take to get ready. She said: for the love of God, I said five minutes. Do you have to make me repeat myself every twenty minutes?
50. I spent eighty dollars on a belt that didn’t fit. My wife said it was a huge waist.
51. My wife: why don’t you write a book instead of your terrible wordplay jokes? Me: that’s a novel idea.
52. I was talking to my husband in bed when he said three words that reminded me why I married him: who’s Nicki Minaj?
53. My friend and I were looking at a very expensive handbag. Her: I would die for this. Me: I would kill for this. Then we just stared at each other.
54. My wife claims I have zero empathy. I don’t understand why she feels that way.
55. I took a taxi today. The passenger before me had left his wallet on the back seat. Inside was a picture of my wife and kids.
56. I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s ever been with. She said: yes, the others were at least sevens or eights.
57. I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know someone who would be angry if she heard me say that.
58. My wife screamed: you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you? I thought that was an odd way to start a conversation.
59. My wife left me a slice of pizza. She’s the best.
60. I once dated a girl with a lazy eye. Turned out she was seeing someone else on the side.
61. My last girlfriend said something so horrible that I cried for three weeks. She said I was too sensitive.
62. There was a spider in our house. My wife told me to take it out instead of killing it. So we went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
63. My wife always has a headache when I come home from work. I asked how I could help her get rid of it. She said: leave the room.
64. My girlfriend said we need to spend more quality time together. So I bought her a tea set and a koala, and now what are we supposed to do?
65. My wife said I don’t listen to her. At least that’s what I think she said.
66. My girlfriend asked if I’d like a threesome and which of her friends I would pick. Apparently I was only supposed to name one.
67. My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with wearing a different T-shirt every half hour. I said: wait, I can change!
68. I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
69. I wanted to take my girlfriend out but didn’t know where she’d like to go, so I asked her: guess where we’re going for dinner. McDonald’s? So I took her to McDonald’s.
70. For me, relationships are like a game of hide and seek. Nobody finds me attractive.
71. Girls always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and broke.
72. My dad told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her. They know how to make a bad decision and stick to it.
73. How do you have a long-lasting marriage? Don’t get caught.
74. Couples counsellor: so, what brings you here today? My wife: I can’t stand it any more, he’s too literal. Me: my truck.
75. I asked my wife for an exercise suggestion. She said: why don’t you try lunges? I said: that sounds like a big step.
76. My wife asked me to encourage her while she tries to lose weight next year. I said: don’t worry, it’ll be a piece of cake.
77. My girlfriend accused me of gaslighting her. I told her she’s crazy, there’s no such thing as gaslighting.
78. My girlfriend walked into a clothes shop halfway through our night out and said: I won’t be long, I promise.
79. I bought my wife a nutcracker for Christmas. After all these years of breaking my balls by hand, she deserves it.
80. I lost ninety kilos over the summer. Wow, what’s your secret? Divorce.
81. A man wanders home at 3 am. Wife: you’re late, you said you’d be home by a quarter to twelve. Man: I said a quarter of twelve.
82. Wife: I’ve thought about it, and I’ve decided I’m just not a kid person. Me, taking her hand: the word you’re looking for is adult.
83. I’m not afraid of my wife. But don’t tell her I said that.
84. I hate it when women say men can’t multitask. Then I stop what I’m doing so I can get angry.
Short Jokes About Drinking and Food
85. I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
86. My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub, so I have started smoking.
87. I would like to meet the guy who invented beer and ask him what he is working on now.
88. I ate a small pizza, but it was not enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one. They call it the dominoes effect.
89. Who pushed the fast-forward button on my weekend?
90. Alcohol manufacturers are killing their best customers.
91. I caught my mate drinking brake fluid. He says he can stop any time he wants.
92. A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm. Two beers, he says, one for me and one for the road.
93. A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
94. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says: five beers, please.
95. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
96. Today I crossed the street, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
97. A plumber walks into a bar. He’s there to fix the toilet.
98. A leprechaun, a walking tree and a dragon walk into a bar. I should quit drinking.
99. A fruit and a vegetable walk into a bar. The bartender says: you look confused today, tomato.
100. I just read a statistic about the most common way people walk after drinking. It’s staggering.
101. My Aunt Bessie has a drinking problem. She thinks I’m twins.
102. Police officer to a drunk driver: how high are you? Driver: it’s hi, how are you, sir.
103. Two guys go out for breakfast. One asks: want a bagel sandwich? The other: a bagel sandwich? That’s way too much bread.
104. A vegan told me eating meat was gross. I told him a man who sells fruit and vegetables is grocer.
105. I tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan.
106. The waitress asked if I was familiar with farm-to-table dining. I said I’m more of a fast-food, table-to-toilet man.
107. Why did the mushroom go to the party? He was a fun-gi. Why did he leave? There wasn’t mush room.
108. The label said: stir well before use. So I stirred it three days before I needed it.
109. I went to the grocery store. The sign said: no food or drinks inside. So I went home.
110. Justice is best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.
111. The restaurant was so bad it caused a fire that destroyed the world. One star.
112. A horse walks into a bar. Hey horse, why the long face? I’m not a horse, I’m Adrien Brody.
113. I dreamed the ocean was full of orange soda. It was a Fanta sea.
114. I once heard a terrible joke about Amazon. It was ruined by the delivery.
115. I like my coffee like I like my women: lukewarm and bitter.
116. I asked my butcher if he had a sheep’s head. He said: no, it’s just the way I part my hair.
Short Tech and Science Jokes
117. I needed a password eight characters long, so I went with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
118. Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.
119. The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
120. Why do programmers need glasses? So they can C sharp.
121. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Light attracts bugs.
122. How do you tell an introvert programmer from an extrovert one? The introvert stares at his shoes while talking to you. The extrovert stares at yours.
123. Heard about the new band called 1023 MB? They haven’t had any gigs yet.
124. What happens if you see a robbery at an Apple store? You become an iWitness.
125. Why can’t you fart inside an Apple store? They don’t have Windows.
126. I tried facial recognition on my phone. Sad to report it doesn’t provide the source link.
127. If you give a mouse a cookie, it will ask whether it can use it to improve your browsing experience.
128. I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
129. I wanted to post a joke about sodium, but Na, people wouldn’t understand.
130. Did you hear about the part-time chemist? He only worked periodically.
131. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks: can I help with your luggage? No need, says the photon, I’m travelling light.
132. Today I learned that bumblebees can fly higher than Mount Everest. In retrospect, this was obvious, considering Mount Everest can’t fly.
133. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
134. I want to argue with flat earthers, but I feel we’re not on a level playing field.
135. The Flat Earth Society is pretty big. They have members all around the globe.
136. I googled how to start a fire. I got 48,500 matches.
137. Oh Lord almighty, tell me how to find happiness. About 422,000,000 results in 0.35 seconds.
138. I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in it says: The Titanic is syncing.
139. AI won’t take over the world. Artificial intelligence will never beat human stupidity.
140. Want to hear a memory joke? Great, remind me in fifteen minutes and I’ll tell you.
141. What happened when Albert Einstein silenced his phone? He won the no-bell prize.
Short Animal Jokes
142. Why don’t cows get pedicures? They lack toes.
143. Why are dogs afraid to go to space? Because of the vacuum.
144. How do you start a bear race? Ready, teddy, go.
145. Did you hear about the maple syrup company that went out of business? Those poor saps.
146. What happens if a cow drinks her own milk? It goes in one end and out the udder.
147. How does an elephant hide in a strawberry patch? He paints his toenails red. Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
148. I think my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. He keeps dropping hints around the house.
149. My dog pooped in my bed this morning. I forgive her though. Shit happens.
150. Who’s my good boy? My dog: woof woof. Who’s your ancestor? My dog: wolf wolf.
151. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.
152. Why did the eagle with a cold get arrested? He was an ill eagle.
153. Why was the teenage crustacean upset? He couldn’t find a date for the prawn.
154. Why are French ducks so attractive? They have a certain je ne sais quack.
155. Why do horse girls love horses so much? It’s the only stable relationship they’ll ever have.
156. Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the hell out of the dog.
157. I shouldn’t have taken my dog to the blacksmith. As soon as we got there, he made a bolt for the door.
158. A cop caught me doing donuts in the car park. It was sad. Donuts was such a good dog.
159. A jockey was struggling to get his talking horse to the race. Do you even want to race? he asked. The horse replied: nay.
Short Jokes About Health, Age and Being Lazy
160. All my life, I never imagined I would wake up at 6am and go jogging. And I was right.
161. Sometimes I am sitting on the couch doing nothing, and I think to myself: man, I am really getting good at this.
162. Have you ever experienced that morning surge of inner energy, a charge of invigoration for the day, and an uncontainable desire to create? No? Neither have I.
163. My doctor said I have to exercise more and eat healthier food. This is going to be a huge change for me. Finding a new doctor is a tough process.
164. What do you call someone who identifies a disease by reading about symptoms on Google? A Google Doc.
165. Extrovert: it is a pleasure to meet you. Introvert: it is a pressure to meet you.
166. Me: I do not get nervous during presentations. Also me: Hello everyone, my name is Presentation.
167. I have done a hundred pull ups today. This new belt is rubbish.
168. How do you know if you bought good fireworks? The owner of the store gives you a high four.
169. I do not know how to act my age, because I have never been this old before.
170. Studies show non-smokers have an increased risk of dying of old age.
171. The older I get, the more I understand why Noah only allowed animals on his boat.
172. How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap? Asking for myself.
173. The recipe said: chill in the fridge for two hours. I nearly died.
174. I’m so old I can go through a whole day without taking a picture.
175. They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by two minutes. I did the maths. I died in 1543.
176. I had surgery on my lungs. The doctors said it was breathtaking.
177. I really love the ticking of old clocks. My psychiatrist calls it a second-hand emotion.
178. My dentist asked if I floss between meals. No, I said, usually between teeth.
179. My grandmother, who is a chef, says I must always eat my mistakes. I’m a surgeon.
180. A father and son went jogging. Suddenly the father had a heart attack. His last words were: I had a good run.
181. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
182. After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said: no hablo inglés.
183. My wife asked if I was still taking my fibre supplements. I said I wasn’t being very regular about it.
184. A man felt ill every time he woke up in the morning. The doctor told him to wake up in the evening.
185. I want to die like my grandfather, sleeping calmly. Not like the passengers on his bus, screaming.
186. I wonder if old houseflies tell the young ones: back in my day, it was Monday.
187. Sometimes I worry I need to be more productive. Then I think: who am I to tell me what to do?
188. Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
189. Name a better duo than me and procrastination. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
190. Don’t be too harsh on people who take selfies all the time. They’re just trying to save face.
191. If you can’t look back at your younger self and realise you were an idiot, you’re probably still an idiot.
192. Life is short. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me, I will.
193. If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
194. If happiness was contagious, you still wouldn’t have any friends.
195. You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
196. My friend told me he’s a compulsive liar. I don’t believe a word of it.
197. It is quite possible that some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
198. Today I lost my book, Organisational Skills for Dummies. Again.
199. It’s Sunday, so I’m 100% motivated to do nothing today.
200. I opened my electric bill and my water bill at the same time. I was shocked.
201. I want my children to have all the things I could never afford. Then I’m going to move in with them.
202. Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you did not attend.
203. Congratulations to the astronauts who left Earth today. Great choice.
204. When I’m on my deathbed surrounded by friends and family, my final words will be: you guys want to see a dead body?
205. I left the garage door open last night and someone stole my limbo stick. I didn’t know people could go that low.
Short Puns and Wordplay
206. If I worked in marketing, I’d advise the company that makes pregnancy tests to call them Maybe Baby.
207. I made a quick drawing of a dark alleyway. It’s a very sketchy place.
208. My friend asked me the name of that famous ice cube movie. I said: Titanic?
209. Yesterday my friend was driving a piece of junk. Today he drove past in a luxury SUV. Well, that Escaladed quickly.
210. Did you hear about the power failure at the post office? They were enveloped in darkness.
211. A man got hit in the head with a can of cola. He’s alright, it was a soft drink.
212. What’s it called when you marry a shoemaker? Finding your sole mate.
213. How did Jesus stay so ripped? Pontius Pilates and CrossFit.
214. I once knew twins who were exactly alike, except one was missing an eye. They were dentical twins.
215. My buddy wrote a comedy routine about menorahs. It was just a bunch of candle shtick.
216. Some people take Christmas way too seriously. It’s 362 days away and they already have their decorations up.
217. I’m going to the theatre for a performance about puns. It’s a play on words.
218. I heard there’s a new Christopher Nolan movie. It’s about time.
219. I farted and blamed it on the dog. It was a lie of emission.
220. Where does a king keep his armies? In his sleevies.
221. There’s a creature in Scotland that looks just like the Loch Ness Monster. It’s the Likeness Monster.
222. What do you call an apartment for lease at Christmas? For Lease Navidad.
223. Why are eggs bad bomb defusers? They crack under pressure.
224. I have a plan to transplant a rabbit’s brain into a human skull. It’s a hare-brained scheme.
225. Someone asked me how much a pie costs in the Bahamas. How would I know the pie rates of the Caribbean?
226. If life gives you melons, you may have dyslexia.
227. If it weren’t for blinds, it would be curtains for you.
228. So you’re telling me you’re from the fifth largest country in South America? I don’t Bolivia.
229. A pun enters a room and kills ten people. Pun in, ten dead.
230. What is the most unexpected dance? The coincidance.
231. I bought new brake pads imported from Israel. My car can now stop on a dime.
232. I always say mucho to my Spanish friends. I know it means a lot to them.
233. I’m really worried about going to San Diego, Long Beach, Anaheim and Los Angeles. I think I have SoCal anxiety.
234. I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread. When I looked again it said thick cut.
235. What happens when you don’t pay an exorcist? You get repossessed.
236. What do you call an ape that explodes but comes back? A boomerangutan.
237. My dad handed me my soaking wet wallet after it went through the wash. Son, he said, you have to stop money laundering.
238. My wife left me because I’m obsessed with Depeche Mode. It’s OK, I’ll Enjoy the Silence.
239. I’ve decided to become a nihilist. Nothing’s gonna change my world.
240. I drew a large picture of a small fish. It’s not a scale drawing.
241. Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks? With great power comes great response-ability.
242. My wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a blanket over it. I think I covered my tracks.
243. A guy tried to sell me a fake Picasso, but I didn’t buy it. I used my artistic lie-sense.
244. I put poison ivy in the bed of a guy I don’t like. It was a rash decision.
245. The army secretly trains pigeons to overthrow hostile governments. It’s a military coo.
246. My maths teacher never goes outside. I can tell, because there’s no sin of his tan.
247. I broke a table fan. Now it has a separate fan base.
248. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will always remain stationery.
249. What did Bob Ross call his children? Happy little accidents.
250. I just finished the dishes and there are already more. It’s a dishes cycle.
251. I left a chocolate bar in the cupboard too long and it went mouldy. Life on Mars confirmed.
252. What kind of murderer has moral fibre? A cereal killer.
253. What did the inflatable headmaster say to the inflatable pupil who brought a pin to the inflatable school? You’ve let me down, you’ve let the school down, but most of all you’ve let yourself down.
254. Why does every French cat drown? Un, deux, trois cat sank.
255. I didn’t get a warranty on my air conditioner, but it would be cool if I had.
256. I got a haircut last week and didn’t like it at first. It’s growing on me.
257. What was the popcorn charged with? A-salt and buttery.
258. What is the equivalent of two thousand mocking birds? Two kilomockingbirds.
259. Did you know Bill Burr has a brother who’s a lumberjack? His name is Tim.
260. What is a teenager’s favourite mode of transportation? The Millennial Falcon.
261. A man is staring at a penny. A woman asks what he’s doing. Well, he says, I have a nickel in my pocket, so this must be my sixth cents.
262. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
263. Always proofread to make sure you don’t any words out.
264. People always say: let me be Frank. I want to know who this guy is and what makes him so special.
265. What if Cinderella, instead of being a cleaning slave, was a cooking slave, and her name was Mozzarella?
266. Nectarines were invented by people who got tired of shaving peaches.
267. Due to inflation, the five-second rule has been extended to ten seconds.
268. I was going to add a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
269. Commas really change the meaning of a sentence. Ben is in a hurry. Ben is in a coma.
270. My three favourite things are eating my family and not using commas.
271. You are invited to the psychics’ conference. You know where, you know when, and we know you’re attending.
272. I told a communism joke. Nobody laughed. They said it didn’t work.
273. I told all my friends to stand in a line and punch me. There was no punchline.
Short Jokes About Politics and the News
274. Volodymyr Zelenskyy is the greatest comedian of all time. He even turned Vladimir Putin into a joke.
275. I bought a Russian advent calendar. Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.
276. What is the difference between a politician and a prostitute? There is a difference?
277. I have no idea why this cop is so annoyed. I yelled just kidding and immediately gave him his gun back.
278. In response to Sweden and Finland joining NATO, Russia introduced embargoes on Absolut and Finlandia.
279. Russia’s only high-precision weapon is the television. It hits the brain every time.
280. Washington doesn’t need metal detectors. It needs lie detectors.
281. A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light: for support, rather than illumination.
282. Con is the opposite of pro. So is Congress the opposite of progress?
283. Ministers are like Greek gods. When a country can’t explain something, it creates a new one.
284. The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the next-door neighbour.
Short Christmas and Holiday Jokes
285. What did Mrs Claus say when Santa asked about the weather? Looks like rain, dear.
286. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
287. Why does Santa never pay for parking his sleigh? It’s always on the house.
288. Rudolph has a little-known brother, Randolph the brown-nosed reindeer. He can run as fast as Rudolph, he just can’t stop as quickly.
289. Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas. The other letters were not-E.
290. Why does Santa carry a big sack of gifts? That’s just how he presents himself.
291. Who is the king of Christmas music? Elfis Presently.
292. Why couldn’t the Grinch steal Christmas? Because of the Santa clause.
293. In Italy, children don’t leave milk and cookies for Santa. They leave him elfredo.
294. Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store? He needed some holiday spirit.
295. Give the gift of disappointment this year. Give an inactive gift card.
296. If you know anyone spending Christmas alone because they have no friends or family, let me know. I need to borrow some chairs.
297. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even.
298. I dropped a copy of A Christmas Carol on my toe this morning. It hurt like the Dickens.
299. A dog is not just for Christmas. It does for sandwiches on Boxing Day too.
300. I wish you a happy New Year, and may it finally start looking like your photos on Instagram.
Short Jokes: Questions People Ask
What makes a short joke work?
Surprise. A short joke sets up an expectation in the first half of the sentence and breaks it in the last few words. The less time there is between the setup and the twist, the harder it lands, which is why the best one-liners are often under fifteen words.
What is the difference between a short joke and a one-liner?
A one-liner is a short joke that fits in a single sentence. Every one-liner is a short joke, but a short joke can run to two or three sentences, like a quick exchange between a husband and wife. This page has both.
Are these short jokes clean?
Yes. Everything on this page is suitable for work, school and family dinners. We keep the adult material on a separate page of short dirty jokes, clearly marked 18+, so nobody stumbles into it by accident.
Can I use these jokes in a speech or a text message?
That is exactly what they are for. Short jokes are perfect icebreakers for a presentation, a best man’s speech, a group chat or a greetings card. Pick one that fits the audience, say it with a straight face, and do not explain it afterwards.
Where do these jokes come from?
TheFun.Net has been collecting jokes since 2008. Most of these came in from readers, some were translated from other languages, and a few are classics that have been around longer than the internet. We add new ones every week.
Themed collections: 100 dad jokes · 100 husband and wife jokes · 88 walks into a bar jokes · 86 office jokes · 72 computer jokes · 68 funny animal jokes · 64 medical jokes · 60 Christmas jokes
These 300 are a small slice of what is here. For more of the short stuff, keep going with the 50 best one-liners or the full one-liners category. If you want a proper setup and punchline, there are bar jokes, marriage jokes and work jokes. If you want the other kind, we keep those separately in dirty jokes for adults and the dirty jokes category, both strictly 18+. New jokes go up all the time, so bookmark the page and come back when you need a fresh one.