Do Churches Treat That Now
– Doctor, I slept with my best friend’s wife and ever since I can’t find any peace, it burns… – What you need is a church. – Doctor, since when do churches treat gonorrhea?!
Doctor Jokes
Doctor jokes and medical humor to cure a bad mood, no appointment needed. From questionable diagnoses to waiting-room woes and doctors with a terrible bedside manner, these funny doctor jokes are just what the comedian ordered. Take two and call us in the morning.
For a stronger dose, see our hand-picked 64 medical jokes about doctors, nurses, dentists and therapists.
64 Medical Jokes That Are Just What the Doctor Ordered
They say laughter is the best medicine, so consider this page your repeat prescription. We have hand-picked 64 medical jokes from TheFun.Net’s doctor jokes category,… Read More »64 Medical Jokes That Are Just What the Doctor Ordered
It’s Not Just a Feeling
– Doctor, I feel like everyone around me is trying to rip me off. – Relax, my friend! You’re perfectly healthy. It’s not just a feeling. That’ll be 150 dollars.
The Good News
The doctor: – I have good news and bad news. – Start with the bad. – You’ll be dead within 24 hours. – And the good news? – I slept with your wife last night.
Extreme Sports
A man walks into the doctor’s office covered in bruises. – What happened to you? Do you do extreme sports? – Yes. I disagree with my wife.
Masked Rodent (58200)
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo Ingles.”
I saw my doctor last week and he asked me how much marijuana do…
I saw my doctor last week and he asked me how much marijuana do I smoke? I said why was that your first question?He said,… Read More »I saw my doctor last week and he asked me how much marijuana do…
num-num
A young woman goes to the gynecologist’s for the first time. She disrobes and places her legs in the stirrups. As the doctor begins to… Read More »num-num
Me – This escape room sucks Nurse – Sir, this is a psych ward
Me – This escape room sucks 😒Nurse – Sir, this is a psych ward
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing to your liver?” the Doctor asked.“Fuck off Doc,” I replied, “You always… Read More »“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier…
My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier foods, this is going to be a huge change for me… Finding a… Read More »My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier…
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to…
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to represent externally how they feel on the inside … fake.
I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom.
I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom. And then about 30 people laughed.
“The best way to a mans heart is through his stomach.” The…
“The best way to a mans heart is through his stomach.” The surgeon was fired later that day.
Saw my doctor today and showed him the bleeding coming out of my…
Saw my doctor today and showed him the bleeding coming out of my ass. He completely ignored me, and carried on pushing his shopping basket… Read More »Saw my doctor today and showed him the bleeding coming out of my…
A Canadian visiting America gets held up at gunpoint. “Give me…
A Canadian visiting America gets held up at gunpoint. “Give me all your money and I’ll let you live. The Canadian replies gleefully, “Oh! You… Read More »A Canadian visiting America gets held up at gunpoint. “Give me…
don`t worry!
After a long night of frenzied, hot and passionate love making, a guy notices a photo of another man on the woman’s bedside table. He… Read More »don`t worry!
I’m so depressed that I knew.
If you don’t know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist… congratulations, you’re doing great!
I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly…
I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly swerve to avoid hitting a kangaroo. I lost control and landed in a ditch,… Read More »I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly…
good news
Putin went to see his most trusted advisor, who happened to be his personal physician. The doctor said, “I have good news and bad news.… Read More »good news
Too high
An elderly man went in to see his doctor. The doctor asked “What brings you in today?” The elderly man responds “My sex life is… Read More »Too high
During the upcoming birth of Maria Sharapova, the staff of the…
During the upcoming birth of Maria Sharapova, the staff of the maternity hospital runs the risk of becoming deaf.
Her: Our sex life has really improved Therapist: Why do you…
Her: Our sex life has really improved Therapist: Why do you think that is? Her: I’ve learnt how to appreciate the small things in life
A husband and wife sit down for a serious discussion.
A husband and wife sit down for a serious discussion. The husband holds his wife’s hand and says “I know I haven’t been the best… Read More »A husband and wife sit down for a serious discussion.
Switching my wife’s life support machine off was very difficult.
Switching my wife’s life support machine off was very difficult. You try and fight off two doctors, a nurse and a security guard.
I went to the hospital to solve the problem with hemorrhoids,…
I went to the hospital to solve the problem with hemorrhoids, but they could not help me. It is necessary to wait normally for a… Read More »I went to the hospital to solve the problem with hemorrhoids,…
Dog years
A thirty year old man goes to a psychiatrist… Psychiatrist: How long have you been married? Man: 42 years. Psychiatrist: How is that even possible?… Read More »Dog years
a new drink at the bar
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to give him a glass of “Less.” “Less?” I’ve never heard of it,” the bartender… Read More »a new drink at the bar
Health
My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub So I’ve started smoking.
Prolong
man: my wife has laryngitis Doctor: there’s no cure sir man: cure it? l want you to prolong it.