Good idea
My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.”
“Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that way.”
Painful
Pulled out a couple of nose hairs to see if it hurts.
Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems fucking painful.
kill all the jokes
Three Russian generals walk into a bar.
No wait, two Russian generals walk into a bar.
….one?
Zero?
Ukrainian bartender: “Fucking snipers, they kill all the jokes.”
cheap flights
The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer.
I said “looking for cheap flights.”She got very excited and said “I love you,” then got on her knees and gave me the best blow job I’ve ever had.
Which surprised me as she’s never been interested in darts before
@rey_lumen
“Have you ever taken it in the other hole?”
“No way, that would get me pregnant!”