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JOKESTER

If you listen closely you can hear Monday sharpening its claws.

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JOKESTER

If you call me from a private number I’ll respect your privacy and not answer.

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JOKESTER

I see people my age mountain climbing and doing other extreme sports, I feel pretty good about myself if I can just get my legs through my underwear without losing my balance and falling over.

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What’s the difference between a blow job and a sandwich?

You don’t know? Wanna go to lunch?

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Group of very experienced archeologists

Found a group of not very experienced archeologists

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My wife left me because she thinks I’m too insecure.

No, wait, she’s back. She was just making a cup of tea.

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Whats it like to be married?

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married.
I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

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A grandad is telling a story to his grandson.

GRANDAD:”When I was a little boy like you, my mum used to give me only a one single dollar. And with that I bought two packs of milk, a lot of eggs and two bags of potatoes.”

GRANDSON: “But why you can’t do that now?”

GRANDAD:Because nowadays there are too many of these f***ing cctv’s.”

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Now that the Xray machine at the airport shows genital size,

I’m having to tell the TSA agents that it was cold outside a whole lot more.

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I used to shave my testicles with a razor blade.

But since I got Parkinson’s, I don’t have the balls to do it anymore.