Eat your dinner, there are people starving in Africa” said my wife I replied : “Lets have sex then because there are horny men…. basically everywhere.”

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@Declan

My wife bites her lip to look sexy………. I just don’t have the heart to tell her you’re meant to bite the bottom lip.

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My wife and I sometimes roleplay in the bedroom with me as a weatherman I forecast 6+ inches lasting for a couple of hours. It ends up being less then 4” and is over in 2 minutes.

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Why did Karen press Ctrl+Shift+Delete? Because she wanted to see the task manager

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Once you start buying cheap brakes….. You won’t be able to stop

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We thought it was our ability to love that made us human, but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE CONTAINING A TRUCK

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a new drink at the bar

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to give him a glass of “Less.” “Less?” I’ve never heard of it,” the bartender replies. “Is it a foreign drink or something?” “I don’t have any idea,” the guy says. “My doctor told me about it. He said I should try drinking Less.”

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Pfizer is coming out with a Loyalty Card, after your 12th booster you get a free pizza… Provided you’re still alive.

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