@4bdnfruit

If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach?
Trigonometry. There’s a lot of sin involved.

@MrsSimmons

Ignore the ‘Best Before date’
on baked beans…

They are pretty much the worst thing you can eat before going on a date…

@vartha

I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked him if I could use his WiFi.
“Sure,” he said, “she’s upstairs and the password is ‘new_shoes’.”

@porichoygupto

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.
For example, now you’re thinking—-it’s spelled psychic, moron.

@Arkvoodle42

Why is Russia planning to have Vladimir Putin buried 100 feet deep?
Because they all know that deep down he is a very good leader.

@supernurse

Today I lost my book, Organizational Skills for Dummies……again.

@muppethero80

Whoever called them Kegels….
And not puss-ups really missed out