A sex-ed teacher walks into class with a banana and says “today, I will demonstrate how to use a condom”.

After he starts eating the banana, a student asks “I thought you were going to show us how to use a condom?”

“I’m about to” says the teacher, “but I can’t get hard on an empty stomach.”


Wife: When was the last time you gave me an orgasm.
Husband: Well this morning if I’m not mistaken.
Wife: Yeah in your dreams.Husband: No love In your coffee actually.


Mary: Jane, do you do any sports activities at all?
Jane: Yes I do.
Mary: Wow, what sports do you do?
Jane: I do cross fit
Mary: Cross fit? What’s that?
Jane: It’s where I cross my fingers and hope my clothes fit!


He was surprised when his girlfriend said she wanted another round right after they finished having sex.
“Come again?”


I’m not racist my sense of humor is black.


Boss: “You have to take a drugs test.”

Me: *knows all the drugs* “No problem…”


Phone: Files have been saved to device.
Me: Sweet. Where?
Phone: I don’t know.


Wife: Honey, the vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck any more!
Hubby: Wait let me see……ah….we have to get a new one…..this one probably got married!