@maubis

A sex-ed teacher walks into class with a banana and says “today, I will demonstrate how to use a condom”.

After he starts eating the banana, a student asks “I thought you were going to show us how to use a condom?”

“I’m about to” says the teacher, “but I can’t get hard on an empty stomach.”

@ChrisNewton

Wife: When was the last time you gave me an orgasm.
Husband: Well this morning if I’m not mistaken.
Wife: Yeah in your dreams.Husband: No love In your coffee actually.

@AdamVasyl

Mary: Jane, do you do any sports activities at all?
Jane: Yes I do.
Mary: Wow, what sports do you do?
Jane: I do cross fit
Mary: Cross fit? What’s that?
Jane: It’s where I cross my fingers and hope my clothes fit!

@dunno_wut_i_am_doing

He was surprised when his girlfriend said she wanted another round right after they finished having sex.
“Come again?”

@Jokester

I’m not racist my sense of humor is black.

@Stevo

Boss: “You have to take a drugs test.”

Me: *knows all the drugs* “No problem…”

@Jokester

Phone: Files have been saved to device.
Me: Sweet. Where?
Phone: I don’t know.

@AdamVasyl

Wife: Honey, the vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck any more!
Hubby: Wait let me see……ah….we have to get a new one…..this one probably got married!