A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy
As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;”I would like to buy some cyanide,”The… Read More »A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy
Doctor Jokes
Doctor jokes and medical humor to cure a bad mood, no appointment needed. From questionable diagnoses to waiting-room woes and doctors with a terrible bedside manner, these funny doctor jokes are just what the comedian ordered. Take two and call us in the morning.
A man’s wife is 38 weeks pregnant with twins and he has to go on a month long business trip. Because the man knows that his wife will have the kids while he is gone he puts his brother in charge of accompanying his wife to the hospital and naming the kids.
Half way through the man’s trip, he gets a phone call from his brother who says, “Your wife just had a beautiful baby girl and… Read More »A man’s wife is 38 weeks pregnant with twins and he has to go on a month long business trip. Because the man knows that his wife will have the kids while he is gone he puts his brother in charge of accompanying his wife to the hospital and naming the kids.
Where do sick ducks go?
To a quack doctor.
One day a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
“Eighty pounds,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use… Read More »One day a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
Joe’s Headaches
Joe is being plagued by terrible headaches.One day,after years of suffering,he decides to see a headache specialist.The doctor tells Joe to strip ,inspects him all… Read More »Joe’s Headaches
A man is on a stretcher, being prepped for surgery.
The surgeon walks in, takes a deep breath and says:“Okay, David. This is a simple operation.”The man says: “My name isn’t David.”The surgeon replies: “No,… Read More »A man is on a stretcher, being prepped for surgery.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
The nurse sits down at the bar and says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary!”The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a rum… Read More »A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
If you go in for surgery now the anesthesiologist will offer to knock you out with gas or hit you over the head with a boat paddle.
It’s an ether/oar situation(Ether is the name of the gas used)
What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?
It’s a fizzician!I’ll see myself out
My dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex.
We laughed about it for a while. Then I remembered me and my wife have different dentists.
The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.
I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.
An old man is at home on his deathbed…
The doctors have given him only a couple of days to live and he no longer has even the strength to stand on his own.… Read More »An old man is at home on his deathbed…
Yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhea is inherited.
Runs in the family.
JOKESTER
*me as a doctor * Me: Does it hurt? Mother: Yes Me: Now go vaccinate your kids or I’ll punch you again.
Got some sad news today
Got some sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after 1 minor indiscretion.He slept with 1… Read More »Got some sad news today
A man goes to the doctor for stomach and throat problems.
A man goes to the doctor and complains, “Doc I don’t know why but every morning before I leave for work I dry heave and… Read More »A man goes to the doctor for stomach and throat problems.
Got some sad news today.
After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with his patients and now can no… Read More »Got some sad news today.
A doctor told his patient
“Sir, I’m afraid to tell you that your DNA has been completely reversed”The guy said “ok, and?”
What does a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?
Both have to smell it; neither get to eat it
Electrician goes into coma after coming in contact with power lines.
“He should be fine,” say the doctors. “He’s just taking a power nap.”
How can you distinguish between a hospital and a military base?
Frankly I’m not sure – I’m just a drone pilot.
I really love the ticking of old clocks
My psychiatrist calls it a second hand emotion.
A friend of mine is intersex and he just got pregnant.
his name is anthony, we met in a college improv class and we grew to be pretty close friends. i honestly didn’t know that he… Read More »A friend of mine is intersex and he just got pregnant.
A man was out hunting one day..
He had all the gear, the jacket the boots and the double-barreled shotgun. As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and… Read More »A man was out hunting one day..
My IQ dropped from 70 to 42. I was worried. Then I checked again, it was 110. I was shocked, I checked again to find it was 150. I rushed to the doctor.
She told me it’s my pulse and not my IQ.
The gynecologist who became a mechanic:
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would… Read More »The gynecologist who became a mechanic:
Doctor: During your surgery we accidentally amputated your genitals
Patient: WTF! Doctor: Ma’am, you need to calm down.Does this work? Not sure if it’s clear that the patient is a male originally. Should I… Read More »Doctor: During your surgery we accidentally amputated your genitals
What does a vegan say to his doctor?
I’m in pain from my head tomatoes
Dr – “I’m sorry sir, I’m going to have to advise you to stop Masterbating…
Man – “but why doctor?”Dr – “Because I’m trying to examine you”