Moth psychiatrist
A moth walks into a physiotherapists office and says “I don’t know what’s up with me doc. I just feel really down all the time,… Read More »Moth psychiatrist
Doctor Jokes
Doctor jokes and medical humor to cure a bad mood, no appointment needed. From questionable diagnoses to waiting-room woes and doctors with a terrible bedside manner, these funny doctor jokes are just what the comedian ordered. Take two and call us in the morning.
docter joke
Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.He says “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”“Is it common?” I asked.“It’s not unusual” he… Read More »docter joke
JOKESTER
A man wakes up in a hospital bed… The nurse says, I have some bad news. You won’t be able to feel anything from the… Read More »JOKESTER
Improvement
What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.
Reverse
I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday and he said, “I want to try a little reverse psychology on you in this session.” I said,… Read More »Reverse
Tweet
Me: Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter. Doctor: I don’t follow you.
Miss him
Two newlywed go on their honeymoon. As things start to get hot and heavy, The woman says, “Please be careful with me I’m a virgin.” The puzzled man replies, “But you’ve been married 3 times before.” “Read More »Miss him
Correct
A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctors replied: ‘All we did was… Read More »Correct
Not gently
I went to see a nurse about my concerns my penis is too small. “There’s absolutely nothing there to worry about” She said Fucking bitch,… Read More »Not gently
Finger
Me: “Hey babe, I’m at the hospital, I cut off my finger.” Wife: “Oh no, the whole finger?” Me:”No, no…the one next to it.”
Manippleation
i pretend to be a plastic surgeon to talk girls into showing me their breast. some call it fraud I call it maNIPPLEation
Waiting
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don’t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
Don’t want
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, “Give it to me straight doc!” The doctor replies, “That’s impossible, we’re… Read More »Don’t want
Fantasy
My husband asked me dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy…that we have Health Insurance!
to try
My doctor told me that I was sterile today. I can’t wait to get home and tell my girlfriend that I want to try for… Read More »to try
glasses
The doctor said I needed glasses.. I assume he meant glasses of alcohol because I feel so much better now.
worry
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have to worry about that too.
check
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow for an MRI to find out if I’m claustrophobic.
Fred: “Why are you so upset?
Fred: “Why are you so upset? ” Harry: “My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning. ” Fred: “So what? ” Harry: “So she… Read More »Fred: “Why are you so upset?
active
Doctor “Are you sexually active?” Depends on what you mean by “active”. There are plenty of “active” volcanoes that haven’t gone off in over 50… Read More »active
finally
Leonardo DiCaprio:*names his child Oscar* Doctor:”Would you like to hold h-” Leonardo DiCaprio:”Say it like we rehearsed it.” Doctor:*sighs* “And the Oscar goes to…”
replacement
We should place the elderly in prisons because they will get a shower everyday, video surveillance in case of problems, three meals a day, access… Read More »replacement
the cure
These new anti-depressants I got from the doctor are brilliant. I felt much better as soon as I put a dozen in my wife’s food.
who is this
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant. She is furious… Here she’s in the middle of… Read More »who is this
t-shirt
A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth… and on the back:…and… Read More »t-shirt
taste test
Of course I’m a medical professional, and what do you mean your previous gynecologist never performed a “taste test” ?
how often
Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Only when I drink Doctor: How often do you drink? Me: Yeah, I smoke
wife’s family
When a doctor remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It runs in my family.” “Your mother’s side… Read More »wife’s family
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” the doctor observed. To the 1st mother,… Read More »A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…
to save the Saturday
A man was hit by a car and wasn’t breathing. Witnesses called paramedics but they were afraid he wouldn’t make it. A civilian rushed into… Read More »to save the Saturday