This old bloke is in hospital.
This old bloke is in hospital.Tubes coming out of him, heart monitor, oxygen mask, the works.Nurse comes in to check on him.He seems agitated and… Read More »This old bloke is in hospital.
Doctor Jokes
Doctor jokes and medical humor to cure a bad mood, no appointment needed. From questionable diagnoses to waiting-room woes and doctors with a terrible bedside manner, these funny doctor jokes are just what the comedian ordered. Take two and call us in the morning.
Consulting a hotheaded doctor
… a man says: ‘Doctor, I’m unable to lie down or stand up; I can’t even sit down.’ The doctor responds: ‘I guess the only… Read More »Consulting a hotheaded doctor
A couple have just had a baby
They go to the doctor to have the baby checked up.Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.Dad: what’s the good news please.Doctor: your… Read More »A couple have just had a baby
People can be so thoughtless; it’s better to be quiet and not say anything.
So, I’m at the doctors and this person sits next to me and says:”why so glum chum”? Told him to fuck up and went and… Read More »People can be so thoughtless; it’s better to be quiet and not say anything.
I just found our Dr Pepper was a real Doctor!
Apparently he was a Fizzician.
A dad is given bad news by a doctor…
Doctor: Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.Dad: AND?
A patient is at the doctors office and the doctor tells him he has bad news and worst news
Patient: Alright doc give me the bad newsDoctor: Unfortunately you have AIDSPatient: That’s terrible news, I can’t believe it. What could the worst news possibly… Read More »A patient is at the doctors office and the doctor tells him he has bad news and worst news
The best thing about being an abortion doctor
You don’t have to buy dog food
[At proctologist’s office] Me: *unzipping pants nervously*
Doctor: You’re understandably nervous, but please zip my pants back up.
A man was feeling ill whenever he woke up in the morning
So he went to the doctors and the doctor told him to wake up in the evening.
A ham goes to the doctors
Ham: Hey doc, tell me, am I going to be alright?Doctor: You’re cured
A woman told her husband about her dream in which everybody she knows turned into zombies.
H: “Honey, even if I really turned into a zombie, I will never eat you.”W: “Aww….”H: “The doctor told me to cut down on fatty… Read More »A woman told her husband about her dream in which everybody she knows turned into zombies.
How much does a doctor that performs circumcisions make?
Nothing, he just keeps the tips.
I had a mild case of insanity.
The doctors said I should stop playing INSAN-D.
Marvel have released their schedule for the next set of Spider-Man films
Spider-Man: HomecomingSpider-Man 2: Far From HomeSpider-Man 3: Going Back Home AgainSpider-Man 4: Going Out Again For A BitSpider-Man 5: Coming Back Once MoreSpider-Man 6: Leaving… Read More »Marvel have released their schedule for the next set of Spider-Man films
Do this next time you’re at the dentist.
So I was at the orthodontist today and I happened to look at my dentist’s face while I lay in the chair and he looked… Read More »Do this next time you’re at the dentist.
The doctor told me I had only 2 years left to live.
So I killed him and the judge gave me 40.
I recently had to get surgery done on my lungs
The doctors said it was breathtaking
Sour pharmacist
So, my friend was going to the drugstore, and I asked if he would be so kind as to pick up a box of finely… Read More »Sour pharmacist
A patient calls his old therapist
Patient: I just feel like I can’t connect with anyone. I’m always the third wheel or being forgotten. No one has any time for me.… Read More »A patient calls his old therapist
Before my surgery my anaesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Three pregnant women are in the waiting room of the doctor’s office
The first woman says, “I’m going to have a girl because I was on the bottom when we did it”The second woman says, “I’m going… Read More »Three pregnant women are in the waiting room of the doctor’s office
A doctor and a lawyer love the same woman
Everyday the doctor would give her a rose and she would thank himThen the lawyer would give her an apple everyday and she would say… Read More »A doctor and a lawyer love the same woman
A women just gave birth
Soon after her husband pulled the doctor aside and asked him “How soon until we can have sex”?The doctor smiled and replied “I can meet… Read More »A women just gave birth
A doctor I knew fell into a well, but it’s okay because he deserved it.
He should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.
Bang bang
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. The 80-year-old says, “I’ve never felt better.… Read More »Bang bang
A Pig had insomnia and decided to see a Doctor
Pig: Doctor, I’ve been having these terrible nightmares and I can’t sleep. Can you prescribe me some sleeping pills?Doctor: Can you describe your nightmares to… Read More »A Pig had insomnia and decided to see a Doctor
When the doctor diagnosed me with dyslexia
It was music to my arse
24 Hours to Live
Barry returned from a doctor’s visit one day and told his wife Carol that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping… Read More »24 Hours to Live