88 Walks Into a Bar Jokes and Other Classic Pub Humour
A man walks into a bar. It is the oldest setup in comedy, and somehow it still works every time, whether the man is a… Read More »88 Walks Into a Bar Jokes and Other Classic Pub Humour
Bar Jokes
A man walks into a bar. You already know this is going to be good. Our bar jokes collection is packed with classic pub humor, bartender gags and drinking jokes that get funnier with every round. Grab a stool, order something strong, and scroll through the funniest bar jokes on the internet.
Only time for one round? Our 88 walks into a bar jokes are the best of this category, sorted into bartenders, hangovers and pub wisdom.
The Wine Taster
A winery is hiring a taster. A scruffy drunk shows up for the interview and nails every glass, including the last one: blonde, 26, three months pregnant. And if you don’t hire me, I’ll tell everyone who the father is.
Two Ice Cubes From Me
A guy to the waiter: “I’d like to buy that lovely blonde at the bar a drink. What’s she having?” “Sir, the lady is drinking… Read More »Two Ice Cubes From Me
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!” – One…
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!” – One of the staff: “Um, boss, this is a Zoom meeting.”
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing to your liver?” the Doctor asked.“Fuck off Doc,” I replied, “You always… Read More »“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
Big thanks
I’d like to see the guy who invented beer and ask him what’s he working on now.
I went out for a few beers with my mates at lunchtime on…
I went out for a few beers with my mates at lunchtime on Christmas Eve and didn’t get back until this afternoon… When I arrived… Read More »I went out for a few beers with my mates at lunchtime on…
I met a woman at the bar and asked to take her home She said I’m…
I met a woman at the bar and asked to take her home She said I’m on my menstrual cycle, I said that’s okay I’ll… Read More »I met a woman at the bar and asked to take her home She said I’m…
My mates call me stingy, so I decided to buy them a beer.
My mates call me stingy, so I decided to buy them a beer. Turns out, they wanted 1 each.
Winner
My pal asked me, “How much do you spend on a bottle of wine?” I said, “Ooooh, about 15 minutes.” 🍷🍷🍷
I just overheard my girlfriend telling her sister that she’s…
I just overheard my girlfriend telling her sister that she’s taking her retarded boyfriend to the pub tonight. I can’t believe the bitch is cheating… Read More »I just overheard my girlfriend telling her sister that she’s…
I hate it someone says “Get a job doing what you love”.
I hate it someone says “Get a job doing what you love”. Who is gonna pay me to chug Vodka and and act like an… Read More »I hate it someone says “Get a job doing what you love”.
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday.
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday. The wife was sat in the armchair, crying her eyes out in the dark. I could… Read More »I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday.
Wedding joke
There is a cure for nymphomania, but it’s expensive. It can be cheap, but most people want a big ceremony, open bar at the reception,… Read More »Wedding joke
A guy and a dog are sitting at the bar. the dog says ” you think…
A guy and a dog are sitting at the bar. the dog says ” you think YOUR wife is a Bitch ? “
not fair
Alcohol manufacturers are killing their best customers.
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the…
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool… Read More »While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the…
Asked an old guy at the bar: “what’s the best beer here?” He…
Asked an old guy at the bar: “what’s the best beer here?” He said: “the third one”
Only two beers
Two friends, dead drunk, are on their way home, one says to the other, go up to my house for the last drink… They enter… Read More »Only two beers
kill all the jokes
Three Russian generals walk into a bar. No wait, two Russian generals walk into a bar. ….one? Zero? Ukrainian bartender: “Fucking snipers, they kill all… Read More »kill all the jokes
I lost my job as a wine taster.
I lost my job as a wine taster. I was fired for not drinking on the job.
I drink beer because I’m too lazy to walk.
I drink beer because I’m too lazy to walk. They say you should walk 10000 steps, the AA only requires 12
I walked up to a fit girl at a bar the other night and said,
“Hey gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?” She said, “Do you like sex?” I said, “Of course I like sex.” She said, “Do you… Read More »I walked up to a fit girl at a bar the other night and said,
a new drink at the bar
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to give him a glass of “Less.” “Less?” I’ve never heard of it,” the bartender… Read More »a new drink at the bar
Health
My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub So I’ve started smoking.
Alcohol?
Alright… Who pushed the fast forward button on my weekend?
Women drinking coffee.
Women drinking coffee. My three favorite things.
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat…
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance,… Read More »A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat…
Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i…
Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it. 2. it‘s 100% safe! 3.green is always… Read More »Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i…
Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.
Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.