Animal jokes that are the cat’s pajamas. From dogs and cats to cows, penguins and the odd talking parrot, this collection is clean enough for kids and silly enough for everyone else. Perfect for a quick giggle or a groan-worthy pun to share with fellow animal lovers.
Our favourites are collected in 68 funny animal jokes about dogs, cats, farm animals and everything wild.
Animals never try to be funny, which is exactly why they are so good at it. Here are 68 funny animal jokes, hand-picked from the… Read More »68 Funny Animal Jokes About Dogs, Cats and Everything Wild
My Persian cat made a Persian Gulf on my Persian rug.
20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her toothbrush…. So, if anyone knows another way to get dog shit off my… Read More »20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her…
What’s the difference between your cat and your wife? One doesn’t care whether you live or die and refuses to eat anything you make, and… Read More »What’s the difference between your cat and your wife?
My friend managed to fool me into volunteering in a cat shelter. He said there was a lot of pussies I could play with.
I was hoping after coronavirus…. … there would be no more monkey business.
A guy and a dog are sitting at the bar. the dog says ” you think YOUR wife is a Bitch ? “
I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly swerve to avoid hitting a kangaroo. I lost control and landed in a ditch,… Read More »I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly…
How do know you are ugly? Your dog keeps its eyes closed whilst humping your leg
People say I mangle metaphors, but you can’t make an omelet without beating a few dead horses.
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s lovely voice from the kitchen. “What would you like for… Read More »When love fades…
Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it. 2. it‘s 100% safe! 3.green is always… Read More »Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i…
I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar So I went up to him and gave him a dollar. He happily… Read More »I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar So…
Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his spare time. At that moment, bar phone rang loudly and Pavlov started worrying.… Read More »Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his…
Why do Welsh people immediately fall asleep when you ask them how many sexual partners they’ve had? Because it’s well known that counting sheep helps… Read More »Why do Welsh people immediately fall asleep when you ask them…
Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings.. What the hell is leftover beer?
Everytime you feel yourself getting pulled into other peoples drama, repeat these words: NOT MY CIRCUS~NOT MY MONKEYS!
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would all still be in Paradise, as they would have eaten the fucking snake. ???
They all get up to heaven and meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter said “Okay everyone can come in, but whatever you do… Read More »Three guys got into a car crash and all died.
Our bra manufacturer has gone bust.The specialist in submersibles has gone under.A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.The suppliers of paper for… Read More »So as predicted the economic crisis has hit my local area and all attention has turned to the hardship caused to small business. Its been a simply disastrous start to the week…..
buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the… Read More »A farmer
It doesn’t pay much, but the tips are huge!
I told my husband this joke and he said, “If I won the lottery, I’d give you the world, mi vida,” and gave me a… Read More »A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won thelottery?” She replied, “I’d take half then leave you.”
In China, dogs are E10. (don’t start wit the bats)
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into… Read More »Talking frog
Me: This weed is shit!! ( 15 minutes later) ” I never knew my dog speaks Spanish”!
The task is to go into a forest and capture the rabbit in there.The FBI goes in, they place inside operatives into the animal kingdom,… Read More »The FBI, CIA, and KGB are trying to prove which one of them is the best at catching their targets.
The owner put a sign in the window that read: “Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must… Read More »A local business owner was looking for office help.
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head… Read More »A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said: “Jesus knows you’re here.”