Where do sick ducks go?
To a quack doctor.
Animal Jokes
Animal jokes that are the cat’s pajamas. From dogs and cats to cows, penguins and the odd talking parrot, this collection is clean enough for kids and silly enough for everyone else. Perfect for a quick giggle or a groan-worthy pun to share with fellow animal lovers.
I knew I shouldn’t have taken my dog to the blacksmith
As soon as we got there, he made a bolt for the door
I’ve been dating this girl who works at the zoo.
I’m pretty sure she’s a keeper.
I went to Borders and asked the blonde for a book about turtles
She said ‘hardback?’So I replied, ‘yeah, with 4 legs and little heads’
A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day
A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following… Read More »A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day
What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey’s blood?
Tastes like ass.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
My wife made us late and we missed the previews before new movie Cats…
…I hate when she makes me miss the best part of movies
What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Wales?
The local sports centre
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.
Yo mama…
Your mother jerks off pigs. She gets down on her knees and crawls through the pigpiss mud slop and snuggles up to the pig, her… Read More »Yo mama…
What does being a fundamentalist Christian and the game Snake have in common?
You can’t touch yourself.
Reporter to the world’s first trillionaire: “Sir, what are you going to do with all that money?”.
“I can buy a chicken and some bread now!”, says Abou, while walking out of his bank in Zimbabwe
Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He’s a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock…
Who’s there?Cows go.Cows go who?No idiot… Cows go moo!
The year is 1835…
The year is 1835, you’re traversing the Oregon Trail. You and your horse come upon a man, you introduce yourself, and he tells you his… Read More »The year is 1835…
What do you call it when a cow pleasures himself?
Some say MOOsterbation, but I’ve always been partial to Beef Strokinoff.
It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.
As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the… Read More »It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.
Don’t let anyone else tell you what you think of TROS
I went down the YouTube rabbit hole and found people changing what I thought about TFA. I was seeing problems I didn’t see whenever I… Read More »Don’t let anyone else tell you what you think of TROS
So I was at Popeyes the other day,
And as I was ordering some of their tasty chicken, the door swung hard suddenly with a loud bang, and lo and behold, in comes… Read More »So I was at Popeyes the other day,
What’s a goats favorite song?
Baaaaaad guy. By Billie Eilish
Dogs are related to trees
Cause they both have bark
He stare
r/youseeingthisshit•Posted byu/GroundbreakingCat13 hours agoThis dog can’t believe his eyesRemoved – Recent Repost View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen15.9k points134 comments
City slicker rides a horse
A city slicker goes out to the country wanting to have a horse ride. He has no experience so asks for a well trained horse.… Read More »City slicker rides a horse
Just found out “cock fighting” is done with chickens…
12 months of training wasted
The Girlfriend of Nightmares
So I recently moved into a new neighborhood and it’s a pretty nice area. After a couple of weeks, a moving truck pulls up and… Read More »The Girlfriend of Nightmares
Don’t speak to the parrot
The plumber was coming over to repair a pipe while the family where all at work. They had agreed where to leave the key, and… Read More »Don’t speak to the parrot
A Musician Walks Into a Porn Movie Showing At a Theatre
He’s sitting there, waiting for the movie to start when a couple comes in sits down in front of him.Not wanting to seem like some… Read More »A Musician Walks Into a Porn Movie Showing At a Theatre
A cop cought me doing donuts in the parking lot.
It was sad. Donuts was always such a good dog.
Why don’t cows get pedicures?
Because they lack toes!