A local business owner was looking for office help.

The owner put a sign in the window that read: “Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer.”A short time later, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. After going inside, the dog looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then he walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. The receptionist got the idea and told the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so the manager led the dog into his office.Inside, the dog jumped up onto a chair and started patiently staring at the manager. The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says that you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, walked over to a computer and typed out a perfect letter and then signed his name. The manager was stunned but then told the dog, “I still can’t hire you. The sign says that you have to be good with computers too.” The dog then went over to the computer and typed up a program that ran perfectly on the first test. By now, the manager was totally dumbfounded and said to the dog, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and you have some interesting skills. However, I still can’t give you the job.” The dog jumped down and walked over to the sign and put his paw on the part where it said ‘equal opportunity employer’.The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”The dog calmly looked up at the manager and said, “Meow.”

What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head? An Uber.

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My wife and I were going on holiday. And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

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November 3

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I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday. When I came back home, she was furious.

November 3

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“You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm,” I told the prostitute. “That’s not true,” she replied. “Of course it is,” I laughed. “What do you mean?” She said, “I’m a man.”

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A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over […]

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