Good News Bad News

Bob was in a terrible motorcycle accident and his legs weren’t in great shape, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of therapy, it soon became clear to the Doctor that they were just pushing off the inevitable. Due however, to Bob’s frail condition, the Doctor was afraid to give him the bad news. Instead, he gave the sorry job to Bob’s wife of 40 years, hoping that she would know how to break the bad news to him ever so slowly and gently. “Honey”, said Bob’s wife Eva the next morning, “I’ve got good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?” Bob, always in a morbid state, responded in his usual grumpy voice, “what do I care? Just give me the bad news!” “Well dear,” said Eva cupping Bob’s hand with her two hands, “I hate to have to tell you this, but it seems like your legs are going to have to be taken off.” Bob, barely able to hold his voice from cracking croaked out, “Eva, what’s the good news?” “The good news” said Eva happily, “is that that the gardener that was in here just before, said he may be interested in buying your slippers from you!”

What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head? An Uber.

November 18

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My wife and I were going on holiday. And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

November 10

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss! Oh and also, I can’t remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex can actually lead to memory loss!

November 7

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My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re expecting the baby early 2023

November 7

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My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can’t see where I’m driving.

November 3

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I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday. When I came back home, she was furious.

November 3

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“You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm,” I told the prostitute. “That’s not true,” she replied. “Of course it is,” I laughed. “What do you mean?” She said, “I’m a man.”

November 2

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A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over […]

October 26

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A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain He goes to the clerk and says   “Hello, I’d like to purchase a new brain”.   The clerk replies with “Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale” “Here’s the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars.” “Here’s our second […]

October 26

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I ate a small pizza, but it wasn’t enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one… They call it the dominoes effect.

October 25

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