Welcome to the handsome club
If no woman gives me sex soon I will take matters into my own hands!
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Today I lost my book, Organizational Skills for Dummies……again.
Today I lost my book, Organizational Skills for Dummies……again.
Be aware!!!!
Be aware!!!! It is quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t even been made yet.
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to…
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to represent externally how they feel on the inside … fake.
Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.
Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.
The older I get, the more I understand why Noah only allowed…
The older I get, the more I understand why Noah only allowed animals on his boat.
I’ve never been able to tell my mechanic my car problems, with…
I’ve never been able to tell my mechanic my car problems, with out reverting to sound effects
@Маке
Anything is possible. Tenderly, gently and a little trotil.
My boss pays me just enough so that he knows I won’t quit, so I…
My boss pays me just enough so that he knows I won’t quit, so I do just enough work so that I know he won’t… Read More »My boss pays me just enough so that he knows I won’t quit, so I…
After my wife heard about “A woman’s right to shoes,” she went…
After my wife heard about “A woman’s right to shoes,” she went out and bought 12 new pairs.
Honesty
No officer these drugs aren’t mine, I stole them.
Always proofread to make sure you don’t any words out.
Always proofread to make sure you don’t any words out.
People always say, let me be Frank, I want to know who this guy…
People always say, let me be Frank, I want to know who this guy is and what makes him so special…
Apparently, if you type erectile dysfunction into google….
Apparently, if you type erectile dysfunction into google…. Nothing comes up
What if, instead of Cinderella being a cleaning slave, she was a…
What if, instead of Cinderella being a cleaning slave, she was a cooking slave and her name was Mozzarella?
I don’t work well under pressure or under any other circumstances.
I don’t work well under pressure or under any other circumstances.
Nectarines were grown by people who got tired of shaving peaches.
Nectarines were grown by people who got tired of shaving peaches.
Marx said that “Religion is the opium of the masses” suggesting…
Marx said that “Religion is the opium of the masses” suggesting that the people need better drugs.
Studies show non-smokers have an increased risk of dying of old age
Studies show non-smokers have an increased risk of dying of old age
Boobs are nature’s anti-stress balls, unfortunately they’re…
Boobs are nature’s anti-stress balls, unfortunately they’re attached to the number one leading cause of stress.
Everything is goes to the plan
In fact, putler is sending his reserve army to Ukraine to find out what happened to the regular one.
I’m not racist my sense of humor is black.
I’m not racist my sense of humor is black.
In response to Sweden and Finland joining NATO, Russia…
In response to Sweden and Finland joining NATO, Russia introduces embargoes on Absolut and Finland.
Honey, where are you running now?
Anal sex keeps my wife in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me
My wife and I have an open relationship.
My wife and I have an open relationship. Found out last night.
Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday.
Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday. She used her chopsticks to knit a sweater out of her noodles.
Keep trying
our Boss said ” we will continue having these meetings every day until I find out why no work is being done ! “
not fair
Alcohol manufacturers are killing their best customers.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
Went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were…
went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were talking about the band