Honey, where are you running now?
Anal sex keeps my wife in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
My wife and I have an open relationship.
My wife and I have an open relationship. Found out last night.
Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday.
Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday. She used her chopsticks to knit a sweater out of her noodles.
Keep trying
our Boss said ” we will continue having these meetings every day until I find out why no work is being done ! “
not fair
Alcohol manufacturers are killing their best customers.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
Went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were…
went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were talking about the band
OK, Google?
Google Maps should really think about adding a “Closest place to have a piss” option.
THAT’S what you guys call missionary?
Weird. Missionary’s what I call it when I don’t let him come inside.
You shouldn’t take my class on reverse psychology
you shouldn’t take my class on reverse psychology
Tits – natural anti-stress balls!
Tits – natural anti-stress balls! The irony is that they come attached to the most effective thing to create stress!
adaptability
I came for an interview … And fell asleep on the couch. I say: “See how quickly I adapt to a new place.”
People say I mangle metaphors, but you can’t make an omelet…
People say I mangle metaphors, but you can’t make an omelet without beating a few dead horses.
During the upcoming birth of Maria Sharapova, the staff of the…
During the upcoming birth of Maria Sharapova, the staff of the maternity hospital runs the risk of becoming deaf.
Russia’s only high-precision weapon is a television.
Russia’s only high-precision weapon is a television. It affects the brain, even if it is not …
When a sex worker gives you a discount, you’re getting a…
When a sex worker gives you a discount, you’re getting a holesale price.
I keep hearing about a chip shortage, so I’m stocking up on Doritos.
I keep hearing about a chip shortage, so I’m stocking up on Doritos.
In Soviet Russia troops withdraw forward
In Soviet Russia troops withdraw forward
I’m going to hire a private investigator to find out what I do…
I’m going to hire a private investigator to find out what I do all day 🧐
Woke up with a massive hardon this morning .
Woke up with a massive hardon this morning . Pissed it away !
WARNING!
WARNING! Alec Baldwin has arrived in the UK and due to start shooting soon.
My wife said she’s not with me cause I have money, she just…
My wife said she’s not with me cause I have money, she just likes my company.
She got a text that said ” what are you doing ?” which she…
she got a text that said ” what are you doing ?” which she answered with ” probably failing my drivers test “
nice wish
I wish you a happy New Year and for it to finally start looking like your photos on Instagram!
My money
I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.
The reason so many guys have foot fetishes is because they lost…
The reason so many guys have foot fetishes is because they lost their virginity to a sock.
Alcohol?
Alright… Who pushed the fast forward button on my weekend?
It’s Sunday.
It’s Sunday. So am 100% motivated to do nothing today.
My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re…
My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re expecting the baby early 2023
Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day.
Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you can sleep with his wife while he’s… Read More »Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day.