texting
I just saw a status posted by a female friend that said “I love my new car, I’m in heaven!” from a mobile device. It… Read More »texting
Car Jokes
Car jokes and driving humor to get your engine running. From backseat drivers and parking fails to mechanics, traffic and the mystery of that warning light, these funny car jokes are built for anyone who loves the open road. Buckle up, the puns are coming in fast.
Some people are claiming they have spotted the Loch Ness monster…
Some people are claiming they have spotted the Loch Ness monster on Apple Maps. But it turned out it was just a car that drove… Read More »Some people are claiming they have spotted the Loch Ness monster…
one minute
I was in my car driving back from work last night. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I said, “One… Read More »one minute
one more
I pulled my wife bleeding from the wrecked car, as she screamed and pleaded for me to let her have one more shot at parking… Read More »one more
I was going to go to the gym but I got exhausted trying to…
I was going to go to the gym but I got exhausted trying to parallel parking.
texting
I am surprised my girlfriend failed her driving test. She texted me like 3 times telling me everything was going good.
anything
Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says “if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new….” “anything” doesn’t include getting stuck… Read More »anything
ready
I always have skis mounted on the roof of my car just in case I flip it and land in the snow.
A taxi driver asked me “Aren’t you going to give me a tip?
A taxi driver asked me “Aren’t you going to give me a tip? I replied “Of course, Don’t work too long into the night”
smartphone
I bought my girlfriend a smart phone. It calls 911 as soon as she starts her car.
to the right place
My wife called me today to tell me that the car wouldn’t start. I said, “Honey, when I’m not there you have to sit in… Read More »to the right place
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both…
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
unlogic
The English language: If a car transports something it’s called shipment. If a boat transports something its called cargo.
small
The good thing about smart cars is, if you get bored with the color, you can buy a bottle of nail polish and change it.
follow
-so… where were do you wanna go? – don’t speak, just follow your heart. – come on dude be serious or get out of my… Read More »follow
I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this…
I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this morning saying “My car won’t start.” He asked “What about the bus?”… Read More »I called my boss to tell him I wasn’t coming to work this…
prank
Thing that cracks up all the time… ( it works 🙂 Next time you are in a car with a friend, and you pull up… Read More »prank
to save the Saturday
A man was hit by a car and wasn’t breathing. Witnesses called paramedics but they were afraid he wouldn’t make it. A civilian rushed into… Read More »to save the Saturday
I had the awkward moment the other day, where my dad decided to…
I had the awkward moment the other day, where my dad decided to come up to me, and said “Son, we need to talk.” Now when he said this, I thought, oh great, here comes the sex talk.
Read More »I had the awkward moment the other day, where my dad decided to…
the future
My art teacher told us to draw what the future would look like. Everyone drew flying cars and spaceships. I drew a shell gas station… Read More »the future
honestly
I was in a coffee shop a couple of weeks ago and I overheard this woman say, “Guys who drive expensive cars have small penises.”… Read More »honestly
interesting ad
The following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Read More »interesting ad
dates
WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Read More »dates
fun Q&A
me : *washing car* neighbor : your washing your car ? me : no I’m watering to see if it grows into a bus
ready
My husband said last night, “Do you realise my mother is coming over for dinner in 5 minutes?” I replied, “Yes I know, I’m getting… Read More »ready
I had a bikini wax today, It wasn’t painful at all.
I had a bikini wax today, It wasn’t painful at all. Very pleasent and quite erotic actually…. watching four chicks in flimsy swimwear wash my… Read More »I had a bikini wax today, It wasn’t painful at all.
gentlemen
My boyfriend opened the car door for me last night. It would have been a sweet gesture had we not been going 70 mph.
eating my popcorn
A farmer and a pet rooster went everywhere together. One day they went to a movie and as the farmer got close to the ticket… Read More »eating my popcorn
you do now
I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf… Read More »you do now
So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration.
So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration. After handing them to him, he asks who the car belongs to. I… Read More »So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration.