I heard my son’s first words today
“Dad where have you been?”
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
People say that Jesus died a virgin
I don’t get it, didn’t he get nailed in the end?
Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.
I mean he just blew up overnight.
My internet is slow but hopefully this posts quickly…HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Have a great 2019!
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are ugly.
Yes, you are ugly. Just don’t let anyone tell you that.
What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A slut sleeps with everyoneA bitch sleeps with everyone except you
All my friends jokingly said that this girl I have a date with is imaginary.
Well, the joke is on them. Because so are they
What is the equivalent of 2,000 mocking birds?
2 kilomockingbirds.
Three blondes walk into a building.
You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.
Jack: I found us two doors to float on
Rose: that’s OK, I’ll just share yours
A man got hit in the head with a can of cola.
He’s alright tho, it was a soft drink.
JOKESTER
Laughing makes your vagina tighter, so maybe you should stop scrolling past my jokes, loosey goosey.
Did you hear about the power failure at the post office?
They were enveloped in darkness.
You have to give it to the Chinese.
They somehow managed to make an entire language out of bad tattoos.
There are two things that will never get old…
Dark humour and unvaccinated children.
Yesterday I Spotted an Albino Dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for the guy.
there is love without sex, and there is sex without love.
and then there’s you, without both.
I knew I shouldn’t have taken my dog to the blacksmith
As soon as we got there, he made a bolt for the door
I walked in on my grandma sucking my grandpa’s dick.
I have no idea why it wasn’t cremated with the rest of him!
I’ve been dating this girl who works at the zoo.
I’m pretty sure she’s a keeper.
Fishing and girlfriends are a lot alike
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I’m stuck here holding my rod.
Civil Engineer: Lets build a bridge!
Rude Engineer: Fuck you!
To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
Take my advice and invest in real estate.
Get a lot while you are young.
To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
TIL pidgins die after sex
At least the one I fucked did!
Just got banned from the hardware store…
Some dickhead in an apron came up to me and asked if I needed decking. Lucky I got the first punch in
I give up drinking this year
Oops I mean: I give up, drinking this year.
Canada is a lot cooler than the United States
Especially during the winter