Three vampires walk into a bar
Bartender asks “What can I get ya?”The first vampire says “I’d like a Bloody Mary.” Second vampire, “I’ll take a Blood on the Rocks.” On… Read More »Three vampires walk into a bar
thefun
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually
I told Sam not to sing on his phone…
But Samsung anyway :/
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
The nurse sits down at the bar and says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary!”The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a rum… Read More »A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border
He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there,… Read More »A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border
Two fish are in a tank
One fish says to the other and says, “How the fuck do you drive this?”
Why did the condom fly across the room??
It got pissed off!
I want to tell you about a girl who only ate plants…
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
My taxi driver asked me what I did for a living.
Me: work as a web developer and also part time as a graphic designer.Driver: I don’t like working for anyone, I like to be my… Read More »My taxi driver asked me what I did for a living.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux!
I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now
they are a non-prophet organization
From my 92 year old uncle. “Times have changes so much, back in my day it was still perfectly fine to say black paint”.
Nowdays you are supposed to say “Would you please paint the fence Jamal”.
What has four letters, sometimes has nine, but never has five?
Woops meant to use a period.
My grandma said that we people are too much reliant on technology.
I called her a hypocrite and unplugged her life support.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ catholic
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.
My friend asked me what the name of that famous ice cube movie was.
I replied, “Titanic?”.
What’s the difference between a lightsaber and pants with insults written on them?
One is disarming, the other is diss leggings.
Why does Tinkerbell never wear trousers?
She Peter Pans.
The supermarket cashier asked if I wanted to donate food to Africa to help solve world hunger.
I said, “no thanks. World hunger will be solved a lot faster if we stop feeding them.”
My three favorite things are…
Eating my family and not using commas.
My wife and I are into S & M
She sleeps and I masturbate.
JOKESTER
What if they’re not stars, but holes poked in a jar lid so we can breathe…
JOKESTER
Because of all the commercialism and materialism, I’ve decided I’m not going to celebrate Christmas anymore. So feel free to buy me a present anytime… Read More »JOKESTER
JOKESTER
”Natalie up the road just showed me a picture of her new baby on her phone” hubby told me. ”aah lovely…. what did she have?… Read More »JOKESTER
JOKESTER
I’m so old, I can go through a whole day without taking a picture.
JOKESTER
Evidently I misheard what my nephew wanted for Christmas, you should have seen the look on his face when he opened Mein Kampf and not… Read More »JOKESTER
There was a man named John Odd
There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name.People constantly made fun of it, called him and his wife “The Odd… Read More »There was a man named John Odd
If you go in for surgery now the anesthesiologist will offer to knock you out with gas or hit you over the head with a boat paddle.
It’s an ether/oar situation(Ether is the name of the gas used)
Queen and the King too!
r/vexillology•Posted byu/henrique3d4 hours agoIt’s not every day that we have the opportunity to see the shortest and the widest flags side by side in the… Read More »Queen and the King too!