Early Celebrations
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5thWhy?Because I like to reduce fractions.Happy New Year
thefun
Guys, I think this sub is really improving.
I haven’t seen a repost since last decade.
This sub seems dead.
There haven’t been any good jokes all decade.
If you’re surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide
Imagine how surprised he must have been.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because today they got into a fight, and 2021!Happy new year y’all!
I left the garage door open last night
Someone stole my limbo stick.. didn’t know people can go that low.
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves.
The boy sees a worm trying to crawl into an anthill. “I bet fifty bucks that I can get that worm into that anthill!” says… Read More »A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves.
Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue
For the devil can take many forms
I got my fired my first day as a coin flip referee in the NFL.
I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything.
Narayan Narayan
r/hindumemes•Posted byu/parshuram__1 day agoNarayan NarayanContest Winner 47 points0 comments
How did Jesus stay so ripped?
Pontius Pilates and CrossFit
Did you know Bill Burr has a brother that is a lumberjack?
His name is Tim
Why would you eat a clock?
There’s no real good reason, it’s just time consuming.
WHERE DOES A PIRATE KEEP HIS BUCCANEERS.
under his bucking hat
One day, not too far off, Florida will be an entirely Blue state.
With the sea level rising, it’ll be underwater.
I was buying a Christmas tree off this lady, and she asked “Are you going to put that up yourself?”
I replied “No, I was thinking of putting it up in the living room actually”(Nothing better than a christmas joke on new years eve.)
New Year’s Eve
On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local bar and said that it was time to get ready.At the stroke of midnight, she… Read More »New Year’s Eve
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions
Every year I tune into ‘Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve’ thinking this will be the year it’s worth watching.
But they always drop the ball.
I’ve opened up a restaurant called “Karma”
There is no menu, you get what you deserve.
We shouldn’t worry about our phones and TVs spying on us.
However, our vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years now.
A man is on a stretcher, being prepped for surgery.
The surgeon walks in, takes a deep breath and says:“Okay, David. This is a simple operation.”The man says: “My name isn’t David.”The surgeon replies: “No,… Read More »A man is on a stretcher, being prepped for surgery.
JOKESTER
Get you a girl who doesn’t have a wrong hole.
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on new years eve?
He got 12 months!
A knock knock joke for automotive savvy people
Knock knock.Who’s there?Sensor.Sensor who?P0325
Going 20 years sober on January 5th!
It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January. I drink on all of the other days.
Wife Missing
My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill… Read More »Wife Missing
What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey’s blood?
Tastes like ass.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.