Did you know Bill Burr has a brother that is a lumberjack?
His name is Tim
thefun
Why would you eat a clock?
There’s no real good reason, it’s just time consuming.
WHERE DOES A PIRATE KEEP HIS BUCCANEERS.
under his bucking hat
One day, not too far off, Florida will be an entirely Blue state.
With the sea level rising, it’ll be underwater.
I was buying a Christmas tree off this lady, and she asked “Are you going to put that up yourself?”
I replied “No, I was thinking of putting it up in the living room actually”(Nothing better than a christmas joke on new years eve.)
New Year’s Eve
On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local bar and said that it was time to get ready.At the stroke of midnight, she… Read More »New Year’s Eve
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions
Every year I tune into ‘Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve’ thinking this will be the year it’s worth watching.
But they always drop the ball.
I’ve opened up a restaurant called “Karma”
There is no menu, you get what you deserve.
We shouldn’t worry about our phones and TVs spying on us.
However, our vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years now.
A man is on a stretcher, being prepped for surgery.
The surgeon walks in, takes a deep breath and says:“Okay, David. This is a simple operation.”The man says: “My name isn’t David.”The surgeon replies: “No,… Read More »A man is on a stretcher, being prepped for surgery.
JOKESTER
Get you a girl who doesn’t have a wrong hole.
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on new years eve?
He got 12 months!
A knock knock joke for automotive savvy people
Knock knock.Who’s there?Sensor.Sensor who?P0325
Going 20 years sober on January 5th!
It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January. I drink on all of the other days.
Wife Missing
My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill… Read More »Wife Missing
What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey’s blood?
Tastes like ass.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Right enough of these “2020 vision” jokes
I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself
I haven’t showered since last decade.
What do you mean it’s not 2020 yet?
The average person has sex 54 times a year…
Tomorrow is gonna be wild!
No pair of balls are identical.
In fact, there are vas deferenses between the two.
Scientists removed the right half of a man’s noggin…
Scientists removed the right half of a man’s noggin and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, “two, four, six, eight,… Read More »Scientists removed the right half of a man’s noggin…
At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool and I asked how he did it.
He said, “When I am about to take a shot, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot.”Then he… Read More »At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool and I asked how he did it.
Does your face hurt?
Because its killing me
Need help
Ok, so this isn’t about the game but I need r/HollowKnight icon.
This year, my New Years resolution is to finally go to the gym…
… and cancel that membership I’m been wasting money on every month since last year.
Weatherman are like that over aggressive guy at the bar…
…always telling us how many inches we are going to get and always failing to deliver.
What is Henry Cavill’s least favourite game?
PortalEdit: Thanks for the coin, kind redditor!