Fishing and girlfriends are a lot alike
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I’m stuck here holding my rod.
thefun
Civil Engineer: Lets build a bridge!
Rude Engineer: Fuck you!
A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary…
… and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that… Read More »A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary…
To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
Take my advice and invest in real estate.
Get a lot while you are young.
To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
– A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing??”
The father said: “Why, my son, it is a ‘chechia.’ In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.””And what… Read More »– A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing??”
TIL pidgins die after sex
At least the one I fucked did!
Just got banned from the hardware store…
Some dickhead in an apron came up to me and asked if I needed decking. Lucky I got the first punch in
I give up drinking this year
Oops I mean: I give up, drinking this year.
Canada is a lot cooler than the United States
Especially during the winter
Dear Expecting Mothers…
Please… I beg you. Look at what your child’s name will be when spelled backwards.Sincerely,Marlana
There’s only 1 rule in learning English
1.) Their our know rules
Insomnia is awful
But not to worry, on the plus side, only 6 more sleeps till 2021
My friend was driving a piece of junk car yesterday, and I saw him drive a luxury SUV today.
Well, that Escaladed quickly.
The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.
The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:”I bet one Finn can… Read More »The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.
A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into… Read More »A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
I went to Borders and asked the blonde for a book about turtles
She said ‘hardback?’So I replied, ‘yeah, with 4 legs and little heads’
Sex After Death
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear… Read More »Sex After Death
I was about to tell a joke about Unemployment
but it needs some work.
What’s the difference between a brown family and a white family?
On an average the brown parents have 4 kids while the white kids have 4 parents.
I caught my mate drinking brake fluid the other day
He Says he can stop any time he wants
What concert costs 45 cents
50 cent feat. nickelback
What do you do with 365 used condoms?
Melt them down, make a tire and call it a ‘Good Year’.
I was going to post a time travelling joke.
But you guys didn’t like it.
I got fired at the calendar factory today
It isn’t fair either, all I did was I took a few days off
If you enjoy 2020
Don’t worry because 2022 will be 2020 too.
Four Moles Are Burrowing Under A Bakery
As they get closer to the surface, the first mole in the line sniffs deeply and says, “Mmmmm, I smell cookies!”They dig a big further,… Read More »Four Moles Are Burrowing Under A Bakery
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
Every day I’m thankful that I live in Scotland.
A boy was born without a body
A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the… Read More »A boy was born without a body