Why are you still guarding it?

A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 privates guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why do they guard it.”We don’t know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did!”He searched for last commander’s phone number, and called him to ask him why did he want guards in this particular bench.”I don’t know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition”.Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 100 year old retired General.”- Excuse me sir. I’m now the CO of your camp. I’ve found 2 guards assigned on a bench. Why did you put them there?””- What? The paint is still wet?!?”

I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar So I went up to him and gave him a dollar. He happily pocketed the dollar and said “you see that white cat over there, how many teeth does it have?” So I said “ I don’t know….” He said “ how many […]

September 21

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Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

September 17

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A man finds a genie in a bottle He rubs it. A genie pops out “you have two wishes” The guy says “hold up, aren’t I supposed to get three wishes?” the genie replies “Check your pants” The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says “how did you know?” Genie says “I’ve been […]

September 17

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Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password: “VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento” When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

September 17

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Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer Cause I’m not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

September 16

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My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am…… ….. an Ice Cube

September 16

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My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going to play Scrabble with me again.

September 15

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Sex is like pizza

Even when it’s bad, they still expect me to pay for it

September 15

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I’m really not worried about anti-vaxxers….. It’s a dying movement.

September 14

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What small thing screams “I’m rich”? A dwarf who just won the lottery.

September 12

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