I bought my son a fridge for Christmas
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he open it
thefun
A local business owner was looking for office help.
The owner put a sign in the window that read: “Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must… Read More »A local business owner was looking for office help.
Want to know a job that isn’t doing very well right now
Archeology it’s in ruins!
How many Walmarts are in Iran?
None but there are 52 Targets
Adam meets a witch
The witch tells him: “Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed”!Adam: “Sorry, but I don’t find you attractive.”Witch: “Take that back, or… Read More »Adam meets a witch
A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.
A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.“Have you ever had a hug?” She… Read More »A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.
A skeleton walks into a bar,
he orders a beer and a mop
“I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire wikipedia.”
“Wait, I can explain everything!”
What do Melania and the Donald have in common?
They’re both fucking stupid.
If I put self raising flour on it…
Does that mean I still have to pay child support?
I hit a new high today, but my wife tells me that it’s actually the lowest I’ve ever been.
Turns out substance abuse isn’t a joke.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm
”two beers, ” he says ”one for me, and one for the road.”
What’s the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia?
About 15 seconds
A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment complex on his own. He proudly went down to the foyer to put his name on his mailbox.
While he was there, a stunning young blonde came out of the apartment and walked down to the mailboxes, wearing only a bathrobe.The young man… Read More »A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment complex on his own. He proudly went down to the foyer to put his name on his mailbox.
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask him politely.
I punched a woman in the tit once
She had no mammary of the event.
I confronted my Gardner about him masterbating in my garden…
Instead of giving me a straight answer he started beating around the bush.
A rather bad man dies and meets Satan…
A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, “I have good news and bad news. The bad… Read More »A rather bad man dies and meets Satan…
Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I immediately throw half of them in the trash.
I don’t want unlucky people working in our department.
Trump: Hey Siri how many miles did I ran today?
Siri: Ok, Sending missiles to Iran today.
The Mature Lady
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding… Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?Traffic Cop: Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding.Older Woman: Oh,… Read More »The Mature Lady
Nobody knew who the Iranian general was a few days ago…
He just kinda blew up
I made a quick drawing of a dark alleyway yesterday.
It’s a very sketchy place.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said: “Jesus knows you’re here.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head… Read More »A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said: “Jesus knows you’re here.”
Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?
All the DNA matches and there’s no dental records.
A Mexican Magician…
…told his audience he’d disappear on the count of three.He began counting “Uno, dos…”And he disappeared without a tres.
Commas can really change the meaning in a sentence.
For example: Ben is in a hurry. Vs Ben is in a coma
Trump: Siri, how many miles did i ran today?
Siri: Sending missiles to Iran today.
A Roman walks into a bar, Holds up 2 fingers, and says
“5 beers please”