3 Men On An Island

3 friends were stranded on an island. After walking for hours, the 3 men. were found by a tribe that lived deep in the woods of the island. The tribe tie them up as prisoners and take them to the village. When they arrive, the 3 men are taken into the chief’s hut.Chief: “You 3 are now sacrifices for my tribe. But, if you each can go and bring back 10 of one kind of fruit, I will spare each who does.” The 3 men set off to find their fruit.The first man returns shortly with 10 apples.The chief then tells him, “Now that you have brought me 10 fruit, you must shove them up your ass without making a sound, or else you will still be sacrificed.”The man gets 3 apples in before he starts crying from pain. He is stabbed and killed by the chief.The second man returns with 10 grapes. The chief tells him the same thing. The man gets 9 grapes in before he starts laughing. He is then stabbed by the chief as well.Then the first man asks the second in heaven, “Why did you laugh?? You only had one more grape and then you’d be free!”The second man says, “I thought I had it too until I saw the last guy walk in with 10 pineapples.”

Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

September 17

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A man finds a genie in a bottle He rubs it. A genie pops out “you have two wishes” The guy says “hold up, aren’t I supposed to get three wishes?” the genie replies “Check your pants” The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says “how did you know?” Genie says “I’ve been […]

September 17

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Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password: “VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento” When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

September 17

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Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer Cause I’m not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

September 16

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My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am…… ….. an Ice Cube

September 16

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My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going to play Scrabble with me again.

September 15

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Sex is like pizza

Even when it’s bad, they still expect me to pay for it

September 15

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I’m really not worried about anti-vaxxers….. It’s a dying movement.

September 14

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What small thing screams “I’m rich”? A dwarf who just won the lottery.

September 12

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A man walks into a bar…

The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.” The bartender looks shocked and says “I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself.” The man asks “Well what would you do in my situation?” […]

September 12

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