A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary…

… and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, ‘There’s no charge.”No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,’ she says.’Honestly, ma’am,’ the mortician says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”So I just switched the heads.’

Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

September 17

Read More

A man finds a genie in a bottle He rubs it. A genie pops out “you have two wishes” The guy says “hold up, aren’t I supposed to get three wishes?” the genie replies “Check your pants” The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says “how did you know?” Genie says “I’ve been […]

September 17

Read More

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password: “VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento” When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

September 17

Read More

Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer Cause I’m not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

September 16

Read More

My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am…… ….. an Ice Cube

September 16

Read More

My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going to play Scrabble with me again.

September 15

Read More

Sex is like pizza

Even when it’s bad, they still expect me to pay for it

September 15

Read More

I’m really not worried about anti-vaxxers….. It’s a dying movement.

September 14

Read More

What small thing screams “I’m rich”? A dwarf who just won the lottery.

September 12

Read More

A man walks into a bar…

The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.” The bartender looks shocked and says “I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself.” The man asks “Well what would you do in my situation?” […]

September 12

Read More