My buddy wrote a comedy routine about menorahs.
It was just a bunch of candle shtick.
thefun
I walked into a bookstore and asked an employee “Do you have any books by Shakespeare?”
Employee: Of course sir. Which one?Me: William.
What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Wales?
The local sports centre
What’s the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls one the prairie, the other prowls on the hairy
Yesterday a bought a pair if shoes from a drug dealer.
Don’t know what he laced them with ’cause I’ve been tripping all day
My dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex.
We laughed about it for a while. Then I remembered me and my wife have different dentists.
I experienced the WORST customer service yesterday at a shop.
I don’t want to mention the name of the shop because I’m not sure how I’m going to proceed. On Wednesday I bought something from… Read More »I experienced the WORST customer service yesterday at a shop.
When I was a kid, I made a really big sandcastle with my grandma
Unfortunatley, I didn’t impress anyone at the cremation…
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.
A cop pulls over a car with two priestS. The cop goes over to the car and says “We’re looking for two child molesters.”
The priests look at each other for a moment and reply, “We’ll do it.”
Some people take Christmas way too serious…
It’s 362 days away and people already have their decorations up!
Reddit should rename ‘share’ to ‘spreddit’, ‘delete’ to ‘shreddit’ and ‘karma’ to ‘creddit’.
Wait, what do you mean someone already seddit?
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
“I give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total” says the Genie. The Irishman says “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman,… Read More »An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
Guy goes into the bank, walks up to the teller and says, “Hiya Toots, I wanna make a fuckin’ deposit over here.”
The teller is a little taken aback by the customer’s language, but does her best to be professional.”Sir, I’m more than happy to help with… Read More »Guy goes into the bank, walks up to the teller and says, “Hiya Toots, I wanna make a fuckin’ deposit over here.”
Hardangervidda, Norway
r/pics•Posted byu/SimenGjelsvik3 hours ago-25°C on a crystal clear morning at Hardangervidda, Norway [OC] 87 points9 comments
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and a Whiskey Connoisseur?
Only one thinks it gets better with age.
My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer’s, I see him every morning and he asks me If I’ve seen his wife. Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
If someone can explain to me why my stuff constantly gets stolen..
My door is always open.
Glass Coffins
Will they be popular?Remains to be seen
I’ve been secretly injecting soap into my balls to see if I can jizz bubbles.
It’s time for me to come clean.
I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels….
I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism.
I went to the grocery store.
The sign said “No food or drinks inside”So I went home.
I tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbor
… but he said he had naan.
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
That means I have one up on history’s greatest scientific genius.Because I’m not dead.
A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.
For support, rather than illumination.
So I hear the Hulk’s believing in Muhammad nowadays…
Now he’s gone from “Hulk Smash” to “I Slam”.
“How old is your girlfriend?”
“She’s 52”“Haha, dude, she could be your mom!”“Yeah, actually it’s yours.”
A female janitor at my building asked me if i wanted to smoke some weed with her.
I politely declined- I can’t deal with high maintenance women.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said anything racist,
A black mothafucka would’ve probably stolen from me
Has anyone ever gotten a response about the God paradox?
Basically,Can an omnipotent being create a stone so heavy that it cannot lift it?Some other versions of it are like:whether God could create a triangle… Read More »Has anyone ever gotten a response about the God paradox?