I’ve been secretly injecting soap into my balls to see if I can jizz bubbles.
It’s time for me to come clean.
One-Liners
The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.
I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels….
I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism.
I went to the grocery store.
The sign said “No food or drinks inside”So I went home.
I tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbor
… but he said he had naan.
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
That means I have one up on history’s greatest scientific genius.Because I’m not dead.
A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.
For support, rather than illumination.
So I hear the Hulk’s believing in Muhammad nowadays…
Now he’s gone from “Hulk Smash” to “I Slam”.
“How old is your girlfriend?”
“She’s 52”“Haha, dude, she could be your mom!”“Yeah, actually it’s yours.”
A female janitor at my building asked me if i wanted to smoke some weed with her.
I politely declined- I can’t deal with high maintenance women.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said anything racist,
A black mothafucka would’ve probably stolen from me