What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?
It goes in one end and out the udder.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
A refreshing snack for the holidays?
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A man mumbled to his friend, sitting at the bar,”My girl,Mary, is going to die of syphilis.”…
“No,”the friend said,”people don’t die of syphilis anymore.”They do when they give it to me!”came the response.
Ok, I admit it. I’m an unemployed leather worker.
I’ve got nothing to hide.
I’ve never been able to have cereal for breakfast ever since a traumatic childhood experience.
I walked in on my parents having Chex.
Swan dive
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This was almost painful.
Me: “I have a joke for you,”Friend: “Ok shoot.”Me: “Well if you say so!”-Friend gets shot-
Wanna know why in soccer they don’t use green cards?
Because all the Mexicans would be running to the field
What do you call a mexican on a trampoline?
A jumping bean.
VPNs are like Condoms
One leak and you could end up sentenced to at least 18 years.
What did Donald Trump say to the guy who kept calling him an Orange?
I’m not an Orange.. Impeach.
My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!”
I thought that was a really odd way to start a conversation with me.
– Please describe yourself with 10 words.
I am sorry, but I do not understand the question.
I’m really worried about going to San Diego, Long Beach, Anaheim, and Los Angeles
I think I have SoCal anxiety.
A black man walked into a store with his friends
He grabbed some food and paid for it at the counter
What an amazing transformation by President trump…
Going from an Orange to an Impeach…I’ll be here all week
What console do frenchmen play on?
WiiYes, I know this is a dad joke.
I don’t get why Trump is angry about being impeached
He finally got something that Obama didn’t get.
What do you call an Ethiopian child with a piece of cheddar?
A quarter-pounder with cheese
Dinosaurs have been dead for millions of years yet they still get parts in movies.
It hardly seems fair.
Me: Mom meet my girlfriend.
Mom: You sure about this? I think you deserve better.Me: But mom, I love her so much!Mom: I’m talking to her.
What did virgin Mary yell when she walked into her son masturbating?
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
Why did Trump cross the road?
He got evicted.
Lock your phone until you see a black screen…
Let me know if you can see this joke.
Congrats to Trump
He finally won a popular vote
What if HIV existed in Game of thrones?
Jason momowa would try to kill it
MY LIFE
Why r u here?I just told a joke (my life). START LAUGHING ALREADY!
What is Donald Trump’s least favourite book?
James and the Giant Peach
My New year resolution is to have better eyesight
I am aiming for 2020 vision.
Suicide Bill is going to pass
But a lot of the supporters are still hang up on it.