You won’t get sick from eating twelve eggs.
A dozen-egg-cyst doesn’t exist.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Trump and Clinton have now one thing in common
They are both impeached.
Tulsi Gabbard Voted “Present” on the Trump Impeachment
Glad to see at least one Politician with some Holiday Spirit
You wanna see my belt of watches?
Nevermind it would be a waist of time
Why is Donald Trump happy about the impeachment result?
Because it’s the first time he’s gotten the most votes.
Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
It’s two tyred…
Why I love this community, this player revived my horse after he accidentally downed it
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The President has been impeached.
“But that doesn’t mean he’s removed office”But he probably doesn’t know that. He might pack up and leave tonight!
Trump was right he did win the popular vote
At his impeachment trial
Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
Elf-ish Presley
What do Mt Everest and The Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
Some people are so ignorant about anatomy.
Just today I had to explain to someone that there is a vas deferens between a testicle and a penis.
What happens when you don’t pay an exorcist for an exorcism?
You get repossessed!
Where do bees go to the bathroom?
THE BP STATION!!!
What kind of pencils do toilets use?
Number 2 pencils
What’s the difference between money and dead bodies?
I don’t have a pile of money in my basement
normal people : “You’re welcome.”
Yoda : “come, will you ?”
“Your mom” jokes are getting old so here’s a “your dad” joke to shake things up.
Your dad is so horny that he called 911 to ask for a police escort.
Can finally say I’m single by choice
Women’s choice.
My wife left me
a slice of pizza. She’s the best.
What’s worse then sitting on Micheal Jackson’s lap?
Still sitting on it when he stands up
I like my women like i like my chicken
Dead and stuffed inside of a freezer
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
“You’re too young to smoke”.
Hey guys if you know anyone who’s spending Christmas alone because they don’t have friends or family let me know!
Because I’d need to borrow them some chairs
The biggest problem I’ve been having after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s is after I wake up
I don’t know if the women in bed is my wife or if I should pay her.
When does 45 equal 3?
When your name is Donald Trump.
What happens when you ask a girl in India to talk dirty in DMs
Now we are discussing about Politics and Religion.
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road
because it got hit by a car
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks…
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.