I’ve got an E.T..
Not the alien, an extra testicle..
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Drunk driver
Police officer to a drunk driver: How high are you? Driver : it is “Hi, How are you”, sir.
Probiotics are a critical part of your diet
The health of your digestive system is too important to leave up to amateur biotics
What do you call a feminist mandalorian?
A womandalorian.
Trump got impeached…
That’s all, it’ll change nothing
Ed the reporter asks Donald Trump. “Trump why are you so orange?”
Trump replies Im peach ed.
Why did the wire kill the telephone?
Because he asked: “Why are you fucking gay peop–” before getting strangled.
Trump has finally been impeached.
Looks like he’s won the popular vote, not once, but twice!
What do you call an ape that explodes, but comes back
A Boomarangatang
Why did the journalist go to the ice-cream parlor?
They wanted to get the scoop.
Humpty Trumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Trumpty had a great fall.
A reporter asked Donald Trump why his was so orange.
Donald replied, “It’s not orange I’m peached”.
What do toy trains and titties have in common?
They are both meant for the kids but it’s usually the dad that ends up playing with them.
Donald John Trump is the 3rd President in American history to be impeached
Well at least he finally won the popular vote
Is it a happy impeachment
Or a merry impeachment?I wouldn’t want to offend anyone.
Donald J. Trump has been impeached
He was already an orange.
Trump has been Impeached
Finally, I’m sick of him looking like an orange
My idiot neighbor knocked on my door at 3AM… who does that??
Luckily I happened to be up practicing my trumpet
Did you hear about the horse who married a prostitute?
He was a one-trick pony.
What did the orphan with no technology say?
“Amish my parents”
What did trump say to his son when he got hungry?
Hi hungry,I’m peached.
$999 monitor stand
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Why are there so many Trump jokes on this sub?
There aren’t, the only one is still in the White House.
Who was the first carpenter?
Eve because she made Adams banana stand
Question from non American. Why did you need to impeach Trump?
I mean he already is orange… is he not?
Have you guys seen that peloton commercial where the wife is super stoked to get an exercise bike for Christmas?
Also, does anybody have a couch I could crash on for a few days?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
An affront to God and man.
If you think you were surprised to hear about Donald Trump being impeached..
Imagine how surprised he was when putin skyped him to tell him about it.
Donald Trump found out about impeachment tonight coming after him.
Donald Trump: “Was she the stripper from Georgia? Write her a check.”
[At proctologist’s office] Me: *unzipping pants nervously*
Doctor: You’re understandably nervous, but please zip my pants back up.