If you tell all your friends to stand in a line and punch you…
There is no punchline.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
This is the sort of day when even this subreddit has to get serious for a moment and take in what is happening out there.
The new Star Wars movie is a piece of shit.
I asked Donald Trump what kind of cobbler he would be.
He replied I’m peach mint.
Poor seaweed
Wanted to read, but nori, no write.
A fruit and a vegetable stroll into a bar.
The bartender calls out : “Oh, anything the matter? You look confused today, tomato”
What is the difference between a Lightbulb and a Pregnant Woman?
The difference is you can unscrew a lightbulb.
I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual.
They were disappointed that I wasn’t A+sexual
Matt Damon decided to do porn
“Saving Ryan’s Privates”
This dude is having a stroke
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Why does KFC never have any toilet paper?
Because its finger lickin’ good.
My wife left me because I am obsessed with Depeche Mode.
It’s ok though. I’ll Enjoy the Silence
I’ve decided to become a nihilist.
Nothing’s gonna change my world.
I had a sad flashback…
To be honest, Shepherd in MW2 betraying you is better than getting scammed for V-Bucks in Fortnite.
If I got a kill for every gender
I wouldn’t have enough for a UAV
Ya ever look at a really beautiful woman and think
Damn, my moms pretty hot
I don’t understand why people like threesomes so much
If i want to dissapoint 2 people at the same time i just go and see my parents.
I would tell you a Trump joke…
But it’s border line offensive
How to retire at the age of 18
Get a job at the tire shop.
Do you know why one side of the flying geese ‘V’ is longer than the other?
Because one side’s longer than the other
How do you pay your waiter if it’s a letter of the alphabet?
With a Q-tip.(Joke courtesy of my 8-year-old son)
Roses are redI have Alzheimer’sFish fingers
Roses are redI have Alzheimer’sFish fingers
What do you do if someone is trying to murder you?
You go into the living room!
Why did the dyslexic person drink the potion?
Because it was the only option
Anyone ever wonder how the donkey became the symbol of the Democratic Party?
It’s the Republican Party that’s full of jackasses.
Sting punched me in the face once.
I called him “The Edge” by mistake.
Two for the price of one!
A man walks into a bar after stealing 20% of my couch.Ouch.
I went perineum sunning,
and I feel a-hole lot better.
I Like My Women Like I Like My Gingerbread Cookie’s
Ginger and covered with white frosting
“I’m going undercover” is such a blanket statement.
Besides, you should be keeping that under wraps…
What band does Trump hate the most?
Foreigner, he never developed a taste for them