How do you keep a member of congress from walking away when you’re trying to ask them a question?
Give them a piece of gum.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Her: They’re charging a dollar to pump up your tires now
Me: That’s inflation for you
I once dated a girl with a lazy eye
Turned out she was seeing someone else on the side.
Why can’t a vegetarian sushi roll be a musician?
It doesn’t have a tuna
My son turned in his art assignment and his teacher said, “Bobby, this page has nothing on it?”
He replied, “Yes it does, I drew a blank.”
Don’t you hate it when you take a dump and realize you didn’t wipe too good?
Such a shitty feeling
Why don’t blind people skydive?
It scares the hell out of the dog.
Star Wars and Giant Space Lasers
Still a better love Story than twilight
Why didn’t Dwayne Johnson’s downstairs neighbour recognise him?
Because he’s been living under a rock
What do rhinoceroses have that no other animal does?
Baby rhinoceroses.
I drew a large picture of a small skinned fish.
It’s not a scale drawing.
I eat pussy like I smoke cigarettes.
All the way to the butt.
When they have a snoring problem
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Laser printing
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What is worser that finding a worm in Apple ?
Finding a half of worm
Living in London society in “1984” be like…
“Begone, thoughts!”
How to improve pitch and be able to hit note after note right?
What is the faster way to do that? Any exercises for practice? Thanks in advance.
I am almost sure that I shouldn’t be driving my crappy car around town.
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
What’s the difference between a Christmas wish and a ramp in a swine pen?
One is for figgy pudding and the other is for piggy footing.I’m a dad!
Your penis can grow in length and has a prehensile function
It is strong enough to be used to swing around like spiderman, but you can only use it in open spaces.
Who is the author of “Puberty”?
Dr. I. C. More Hair
Imagine watching R rated SHAZAM movie
This joke was made by sad MARVEL fans.
Why did the electrician punch a hole in the wall?
He needed an outlet.
I can see 2 weeks into the future.
I have 2020 vision
A man was feeling ill whenever he woke up in the morning
So he went to the doctors and the doctor told him to wake up in the evening.
Mexicans
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It feels great to switch from light mode to dark mode.
Once you go black you never go back.
How did the lesbian stop the dam from breaking?
They kept their finger in the dike