$999 monitor stand
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One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Why are there so many Trump jokes on this sub?
There aren’t, the only one is still in the White House.
Who was the first carpenter?
Eve because she made Adams banana stand
Question from non American. Why did you need to impeach Trump?
I mean he already is orange… is he not?
Have you guys seen that peloton commercial where the wife is super stoked to get an exercise bike for Christmas?
Also, does anybody have a couch I could crash on for a few days?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
An affront to God and man.
If you think you were surprised to hear about Donald Trump being impeached..
Imagine how surprised he was when putin skyped him to tell him about it.
Donald Trump found out about impeachment tonight coming after him.
Donald Trump: “Was she the stripper from Georgia? Write her a check.”
[At proctologist’s office] Me: *unzipping pants nervously*
Doctor: You’re understandably nervous, but please zip my pants back up.
Why do Americans love Russian dolls?
Because they’re full of themselves
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody.A bitch sleeps with everybody …but you!
Donald Duck was walking trough Mario’s castle
When He saw the princess He said:Hi Daisy!To wich She replied:I’m Peach Donald.
I hate the musical Cats, so I’m loving these reviews
Seeing the movie so panned is just meowsic to my ears.
A colored pencil cat by Patricia Otero
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Girl, are you an Eastern White Pine?
‘Cause you’re making my Pinus strobus
Does anyone have a contact in the underwriting department?
I am having issues with a client getting their products accepted and this is starting to become ridiculous.
I’m not usually one to take side, but gun to my head…
…I’d probably support the 2nd amendment..
Why can’t I see black ice on the road?
Because I don’t see color
Light travels faster than sound.
That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Why did the Grinch go to the bottle store?
To find some Christmas spirit
Trump gets Impeached
Me: The Senate will decide your fate. ignites lightsaber
HMC, I will show you how to toss an ice cube
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You know what I hate?
People who answer their own questions. Utterly despise them.
What do you call a Jewish Woman’s boobs?
Joobs(Yes I stole this from South Park)
OC. Nelly was busted with over a pound of solid crystal meth on his tour bus
I guess that’s where he got all of his andele in his E.I.. UH OOOOH!!!
What did the man with colon cancer say when he was on wheel of fortune?
I’d like to buy a bowel.
What do you get when cross Elton John with a sabertoothed tiger?
I don’t know, but you better keep it away from your ass
My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.
“Son, you’re going to have to stop money laundering.”
Donald J. Trump has been impeached
Finally, something he’s earned
I’m a literal genius. I finished this super hard puzzle in only 6 months!
The box said 2-4 years.