I was kidnapped by some mimes 4 years ago today
The things they did to me were just unspeakable
One-Liners
The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.
It’s good news for insomniacs
Only 10 more sleeps till Christmas.
Her: Take off my bra
Me: Ok Her: Take off my Panties Me: Wow, ok Her: Stop wearing my clothes
Ollie, one of our favorite Minnesota doofuses, calls the airlines information desk and inquires, “How long does it take ta fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?
“Just a minute,” said the busy clerk.“Vell, said Ollie, “if it goes dat fast, I tink I’ll yust take da bus.”
Farmer 1:What kind of person would make a path through my wheat field?
Farmer 2:I guessing a scythopath.
I can see that next year is going to be a good year
Because it’s going to be 2020
Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can’t survive a slap from a newspaper.
That shows how toxic the media is.
Blowjobs are great
Even if you suck at it you’re still doing it correctly.
My roommate says our house is haunted
I’ve been living here for 300 years and i havnt noticed shit.