What did virgin Mary yell when she walked into her son masturbating?
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Why did Trump cross the road?
He got evicted.
Lock your phone until you see a black screen…
Let me know if you can see this joke.
Congrats to Trump
He finally won a popular vote
What if HIV existed in Game of thrones?
Jason momowa would try to kill it
MY LIFE
Why r u here?I just told a joke (my life). START LAUGHING ALREADY!
What is Donald Trump’s least favourite book?
James and the Giant Peach
My New year resolution is to have better eyesight
I am aiming for 2020 vision.
Suicide Bill is going to pass
But a lot of the supporters are still hang up on it.
TFW you get in line to pay at a pho restaurant
And it’s a big pho queue
Why are there so many old people in office?
Because politics is a booming business.
The sky is the limit for US Presidents
Monica Lewinsky Volodymyr Zelenky
Trump has finally been impeached…
But only because he’s inpeared.
Why aren’t all the Trump supporters out having a rally against his impeachment?
Their white sheets aren’t clean from the last rally yet
How does an elephant hide in a strawberry patch?
He paints his toenails red (duh). Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?!?
“Daddy, why does Santa carry that big bag of gifts?”
Dad: “That’s just how he presents himself.”
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic
So when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
Me: “I’m not gonna click that.”
Blurred image with NSFW tag : “No you will.”
What did the egg say to the egg next to it when it came out of the chicken?
Bro, I just got laid
I have to say after watching the impeachment voting…
This has to be the most interesting season of the apprentice yet!
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
What is big, orange, and ends with peach?
James and the Giant Peach
A photon checks into a hotel.
The bellhop asks: “Hello, can i help with your luggage?””Oh thanks, no need, i am travelling light.”
Be honest JJ Abrams, Palpatine was not part of the original plan
Rian Johnson fucked up and you did fan service to try and work back fans and you failed miserably
Why are niggas scared of lawnmowers and chainsaws?
RRRRUUNNNN – nigganigganigaanigga
what did the librarian say after the suicidal kid tried to borrow a book on how to commit suicide
“Fuck no I know you’re not going to return it”
It’s hard to tell jokes/puns to kleptomaniacs,
Since they take things literally.
When life gives you melons
you’re dyslexic
Why does Gordon Ramsay not like watching WWE on Monday nights?
Because its RAW!
I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread the other day
Then when I looked again it said ‘thick cut’