You see that’s the problem with the #beetoo movement…
They only have to accuse you of being an apiarist.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
I didn’t like my haircut when I first got it…
But now it’s really starting to grow on me
What’s blue and fucks old ladies?
Me in my lucky blue suit.Or hypothermia.
I have a joke about reddit coins
but you won’t get it
I’ve been wanting to f**k a cactus for a while now
but consent’s a prickly thing.
I heard you father was run over by a boat in Venice.
My gondolences.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Nobody fucking cares
The people in Washington should have never impeached Trump.
Because now we know they’re actually capable of getting shit done.
What do you call a really good fisherman?
A master baiter
I’ve never been with two women at once
But I’ve been with many who’ve weighed as much as two women
r/Jokes is very good at fencing.
We are the best when it comew to ripostes.
So the other day I made a free website for an orphanage….
It didn’t have a home page
What is the most unexpected dance?
The coincidance.
I bought some new brake pads imported from Israel
My car can now stop on a dime
What’s one thing Trump and Jesus have in common?
They both hung out with prostitutes
Whats the difference between you and a sick Mallard?
One’s a sick duck, the other’s a dick suck
Knock knock
The Potter Household. Who is there? You know! You know who? Thats right. avada kedavra
Sphinx: What has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three at night?
Me: A radioactive vietnamese soldier.EDIT: Sphinx: No no he’s got a point.
Why do horse-girls like horses so much?
Because it’s the only stable relationship they’ll ever have!
I asked my wife if i was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.
I went to watch the new Jumanji movie today.
That was some next level stuff.
What did Hillary say today while sipping her tea?
Mmmm. Peach mint.
Hey is your dad in prison?
Cause if I was your dad I’d sure be in prison
The “ladies and gentlemen, we got em” meme is one of the best of the decade
Change my state of mind
Why do archaeologists always drink beer?
Their careers are in ruins!
Did you hear about the part-time chemist?
He only worked periodically
Do you want to know why the republicans won’t impeach Trump?
Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.
Of course the Republican-led Senate won’t convict Trump.
They insist on carrying a baby to full term.
How to retire at the age of 18.
Get a job at a tire shop.