JOKESTER
Alcohol…. Because, sometimes you need a warm hug from inside. ???
thefun
JOKESTER
Quarantining alone . .. i set the table. , lit candles. turned down the lights , put soft music on… made 2 meals. ate Both
A 10 year old asks her mum how she was born.
Her mother smiles and answers: A long time ago your dad and I planted some seeds. Your dad pushed them in the ground and I… Read More »A 10 year old asks her mum how she was born.
Why some of us might drink…..
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the… Read More »Why some of us might drink…..
A farmer
buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the… Read More »A farmer
A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time.
Oh geez, this joke (above) is hysterical!I’m Australian. Years ago I visited Glasgow alone. I walked into a restaurant that night. The lady at the… Read More »A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time.
A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks “How much for a beer?”
The bartender replies “Free”.The customer, completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender “Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of… Read More »A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks “How much for a beer?”
One Finnish soldier is better
>>One Finnish soldier is better in Joke of the Day The Soviet army is marching in Finland. They hear a voice from the other side… Read More »One Finnish soldier is better
JOKESTER
Easter is only a couple of days away, I need to hurry up and decide if I’m going to spend it in the living room,… Read More »JOKESTER
JOKESTER
I’ll bet in the future y’all are going to have 2nd thoughts before saying “I hope this weekend lasts forever”.
JOKESTER
Washed a load of pajamas so I would have clean work clothes this week.
Three teenagers are walking along the side of a canal…
They notice some men in suits moving frantically around a drowning man. The three teenagers jump in and save the drowning person only to realize… Read More »Three teenagers are walking along the side of a canal…
JOKESTER
I don’t think anyone expected when we changed the clocks, that we’d go from Standard Time to the fucking Twilight Zone
Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
How about an Indian joke?
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts “Is there a doctor here?” A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and… Read More »How about an Indian joke?
I’m kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer
Yeah, I gave ’em my too weak notice
I have a friend who circumsises elephants.
It doesn’t pay much, but the tips are huge!
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer “That’ll be fivedollars”, says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters ontothe floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and servesthe beer.
The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.The next day, again.On the fourth… Read More »A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer “That’ll be fivedollars”, says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters ontothe floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and servesthe beer.
A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won thelottery?” She replied, “I’d take half then leave you.”
I told my husband this joke and he said, “If I won the lottery, I’d give you the world, mi vida,” and gave me a… Read More »A man asks his wife, “What would you do if I won thelottery?” She replied, “I’d take half then leave you.”
What’s the difference between a boner and a bonus?
Your wife will never refuse an opportunity to blow your bonus.
Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
I haven’t understood a single joke since this quarantine started.
They must all be inside jokes.
A hen lays a shockingly huge egg.
News reporters visit the hen for an interview. “This is amazing,” they tell the hen, “a two pound egg, that’s unheard of! Do you have… Read More »A hen lays a shockingly huge egg.
My epileptic son loves our new Christmas Tree
You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights.
A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.
“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa” The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?” The little girl… Read More »A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter
wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father
listened.
Why don’t black people ever go on cruises?
They’re not falling for that one again.
I tried to donate blood today… NEVER AGAIN!
So many questions, Who’s blood is that? How did you get it? Was the bucket even sanitized before you filled it with blood.
3 men are bragging about their countries
The American speaks first. “Our missiles are so advanced that they cannot be detected by radar!” “Ha,” said the Russian. “Our missiles are so powerful… Read More »3 men are bragging about their countries
A teacher asked her students to share what their dads do for a living.
Little Johnny said, “My dad’s a stripper at a gay nightclub and he turns tricks in the alley way to earn extra money.” The teacher… Read More »A teacher asked her students to share what their dads do for a living.
A drunk German is urinating on a bush
An American walks by, sees what the German is doing and says, “Gross!” The German says, “Danke!”