A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex, so naturally, she agrees and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says…

“Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?”Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.He touches his wife shoulder and asks, “Honey, please…just one more time, before I die.”She says, “Of course, dear.” and they make love for the third time.After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he’s down to 4 more hours.He taps his wife, who rouses.”Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could…”At this point, the wife sits up and screams, “Listen, I have to get up in the morning…YOU DON’T!!!”

Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

September 17

Read More

A man finds a genie in a bottle He rubs it. A genie pops out “you have two wishes” The guy says “hold up, aren’t I supposed to get three wishes?” the genie replies “Check your pants” The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says “how did you know?” Genie says “I’ve been […]

September 17

Read More

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password: “VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento” When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

September 17

Read More

Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer Cause I’m not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

September 16

Read More

My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am…… ….. an Ice Cube

September 16

Read More

My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going to play Scrabble with me again.

September 15

Read More

Sex is like pizza

Even when it’s bad, they still expect me to pay for it

September 15

Read More

I’m really not worried about anti-vaxxers….. It’s a dying movement.

September 14

Read More

What small thing screams “I’m rich”? A dwarf who just won the lottery.

September 12

Read More

A man walks into a bar…

The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.” The bartender looks shocked and says “I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself.” The man asks “Well what would you do in my situation?” […]

September 12

Read More