How can you distinguish between a hospital and a military base?
Frankly I’m not sure – I’m just a drone pilot.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
I go to the gym religiously…
ya know twice a year when my family starts bugging me to go
My girlfriend accused me of gaslighting her.
I told her she’s crazy, there’s no such thing as gaslighting.
6 six years ago I made a new year’s resolution, and I have never broken it.
“No more New year’s resolutions”
What’s a goats favorite song?
Baaaaaad guy. By Billie Eilish
I really love the ticking of old clocks
My psychiatrist calls it a second hand emotion.
Scientists did a study on Metamucil.
Turns out it really is the best shit in the world.
I hate when women state that men can’t multitask
And then I stop what I’m doing so I can get angry
When my plane was landing in Saudi Arabia, the pilot announced, “Don’t forget to adjust your watches to the local time.”
I said, “I don’t think my watch goes back to the 6th century.”
Rudolf (the red-nosed reindeer) found himself leaving a gay bar
and said, “I can’t believe I just blew twenty bucks!”
Why wasn’t Santa too disappointed when his sleigh crashed into a Boeing 747 mid flight?
It only cost him a couple of bucks…
Telling dad jokes if you don’t have kids?
That’s a faux pa.
A man is driving and hits a woman. Who’s fault is it?
It’s the mans fault. Why would he be driving in the kitchen?
A very bad joke
Guy: “what do you want to be when you grow up?”Kid: “I dont know, I’m not grown up.”
Why does Dr. pepper coke in a bottle?
because his wife diedCome
What’s the difference between Trump and God?
God doesn’t think he’s Trump…
Why did Jesus never have to close a door?
Because he was born in a barn
A plumber walks into a bar
He’s there to fix the toilet.
When people call you short
Tell them that dynamite comes in small packages.
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down
mountain climbing with a friend is hard
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.Edit: Thanks for the elf. Are elfs real?…
Why did the eagle with a cold get arrested?
He was an ill-eagle.
Why was the snowman smiling?
He could see the snowblower coming down the street
Why did the console gamer cross the road?
To render the buildings on the other side.
What is a teenagers favorite mode of transportation?
The millennial falcon.
Why couldn’t the dwarf see objects that were far away?
He was short sighted
AMG GTR PO & Nissan GTR PO
how much do they go around for?
Life is unfair to English teacher released from jail after serving 5 years for sex with 16 year old boy who is in love with her
The judge has ruled that sentence cannot end with a proposition.