When my plane was landing in Saudi Arabia, the pilot announced, “Don’t forget to adjust your watches to the local time.”
I said, “I don’t think my watch goes back to the 6th century.”
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Rudolf (the red-nosed reindeer) found himself leaving a gay bar
and said, “I can’t believe I just blew twenty bucks!”
Why wasn’t Santa too disappointed when his sleigh crashed into a Boeing 747 mid flight?
It only cost him a couple of bucks…
Telling dad jokes if you don’t have kids?
That’s a faux pa.
A man is driving and hits a woman. Who’s fault is it?
It’s the mans fault. Why would he be driving in the kitchen?
A very bad joke
Guy: “what do you want to be when you grow up?”Kid: “I dont know, I’m not grown up.”
Why does Dr. pepper coke in a bottle?
because his wife diedCome
What’s the difference between Trump and God?
God doesn’t think he’s Trump…
Why did Jesus never have to close a door?
Because he was born in a barn
A plumber walks into a bar
He’s there to fix the toilet.
When people call you short
Tell them that dynamite comes in small packages.
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down
mountain climbing with a friend is hard
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.Edit: Thanks for the elf. Are elfs real?…
Why did the eagle with a cold get arrested?
He was an ill-eagle.
Why was the snowman smiling?
He could see the snowblower coming down the street
Why did the console gamer cross the road?
To render the buildings on the other side.
What is a teenagers favorite mode of transportation?
The millennial falcon.
Why couldn’t the dwarf see objects that were far away?
He was short sighted
AMG GTR PO & Nissan GTR PO
how much do they go around for?
Life is unfair to English teacher released from jail after serving 5 years for sex with 16 year old boy who is in love with her
The judge has ruled that sentence cannot end with a proposition.
I went to the chemist today and asked for a box of condoms
The girl serving asked me if I wanted a bag with it .I said, “No thanks, she’s actually quite pretty.”
Being a Genie is so much fun.
Last week a kid wished his pets could live as long as him. So I made his parents anti-vaxxers.
“Would you circumcise my son?”
Rabbi: “How old is he?””Five.”Rabbi: “Are you kidding? That’s way past the usual cut off date.”
Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?
Because he likes to leave asians hanging
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender stops him in advance, “We don’t serve noble gases around here.”Helium doesn’t react.
I just watched A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart.
What he’s doing round my house I don’t know.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a yearSorry if this is a repeated joke- first time poster
A boy asks his dad to explain the solar eclipse,
His father replies,‘No son’.