I spent $80 on a belt that didn’t fit…
My wife said it was a huge waist.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
A man asked his wife how much longer is she going to take to get ready.
His wife said, “For the love of God, I said 5 minutes. Do you actually have to make me repeat myself every 20 minutes?”
My wife: Why don’t you write a book instead of your terrible word play jokes?
Me: That’s ……a novel idea.
What is the difference between a Kebab Doner and a Sperm Donor?
The Sperm Donor was tested for STDs.
This has to be the most eco friendly sub on Reddit
We Recycle postsWe Re-use jokesWe Reduce OC
A cowboy walks into a bar…
He became a cowman(Don’t roast me too much… it’s my first time posting)
Hol up
If bed bugs live in beds, then do cockroaches…
What’s common between Fast Food restaurants and Church Priests
Both want ti stick their meat into 10 yr olds
[7 year old me opening presents from Santa]
ME: wowee… a Lynyrd skynyrd album?[at the North Pole]Elf with mullet: where the fuck is my CD?
My grandpa: u don’t need fancy stuff u need a dumb flip phone
Me:……..OK BOOMER
I googled how to start a fire…
I got 48,500 matches
I heard there’s a new Christopher Nolan movie
It’s about time
Some will understand some won’t!!
A Monk who claimed he saw the face of Jesus in his Margarine said “He can’t believe it’s not Buddha”
Even after 15 years since the show was over, I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
iSpoofer direct install link is back up
iSpoofer for POGO – Installation
What do you call a fish without any eyes?
Fsh.- you can thank my daughter for this one, so is it strictly speaking a dad joke?
Favourite final ‘boss’ minigame?
In Mario Party’s 3,4,5,7,8, they did not have bosses but they had a final showdown what’s your favourite one of these?
What do trump and bowser have in common?
They’re both impeach.
How do you make Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan and Dave Chapelle Not Funny?
Put them on stage together at SNL
Why did Google choose “Kit Kat” as an Android version name?
If they’d called it “Kinder Egg”, they couldn’t sell it in the United States.
If you consider sounds to be last words
I’m going out with a bang!
Why did George Bush order a Wrecker at Subway?
He couldn’t get a melt.
I once took a viagra to see what the experience would be like.
Unfortunately it got stuck in my throat and my neck was stiff for hours.
Just found out “cock fighting” is done with chickens…
12 months of training wasted
Back when he was with us, seldom did Jesus go to the toilet
But when he did, holy shit!
My English wife and I were arguing over the pronunciation of inventory
She: it’s INVENT-ryMe: no it’s inven-TORYShe: I ain’t having no Tories in my mouth.
A bunch of toilets walk into a bar,
and then shit got wild
There are two types of people in this world
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
I once heard a terrible joke about Amazon
It was ruined by the delivery
My bud Ellis, perhaps, made me piss myself. Perhaps. Perhaps…
How do check if someone’s dead? Tickle the taint.