What was the first expletive ever heard on TV?
On Leave It to Beaver: “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?”
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
Your download is starting… Click here if it doesn’t start automatically
How did the gingerbread man wind up with one leg?
He lost the other in Nom.
I can only count up to seven in French
I have a huit allergy
I used to be a guy stuck in a girl’s body
Then I pulled out
A viagra overdose
Must be a hard way to go.
Want to hear a memory joke?
Great! Remind me in fifteen minutes and I’ll tell you.
Hide-and-Seek games aren’t fun any more
It is too hard to find good players.
So I was learning Japanese ,I used to think Chan is used for women
Turns out I was watching Loli porn
I was gonna tell a child abandonment joke….
But then I realized it wasn’t wanted
What goes Ha Ha Plop Plop?
A lepper laughing his balls off.
I lost 200 lbs over the Summer.
“Wow! What’s your secret?”Divorce.
REMEMBER: It’s bad luck to call it a MacBook
Always say “the Scottish laptop”.
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes.
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
Why are there no feminists in Japan?
Because the Japanese hunt whales.
Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq?
Because they’re all Targets.
My GF is the square root of -100
A solid 10, but also imaginary
Look, a racist joke!
Donald J. Trump.
The seasons did it just like my ex-husband
They came and went
How do you make a pressure cooker bomb?
Wait this isn’t Google…
Why do programmers need glasses?
So they can see sharp.
I want to argue with flat earthers but…
I just feel like we’re not on a level playing field
Why don’t cows get pedicures?
Because they lack toes!
What is your superpower?
-what is your superpower? •”Hindsight” -That wouldn’t help much •”yes, I see that now”
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen
What is better than a woman?
-It is 2 woman (Slightly hearable lesbian porn sounds.)
I made a roulette, its about the amount my parents are going to give their godchildren, I decided to tweak it a bit
View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen
Excuses are like assholes…
Some people have really nice ones.
What do you call the last surviving member of a royal family?
The Epic Victory Royal.
I farted and blamed it on the dog.
It was a lie of emission.