If only god can judge you….
What the hell does a judge do!?
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red
It depends on how hard you throw them
How are a train and a bicycle similar?
You can’t make watermelon juice with none of them.
Girlfriend walks into tk max halfway through the night out. She says….
I won’t be long, I promise.
Didn’t like my hot teacher
I had a really hard time trying to understand the concepts
What do you call a russian lego?
The Soviet Bloc
Why is the blonde woman waiting for her 15 friends outside the movie theater?
Because the movie is over 16’s
What happens if you see a robbery at an Apple store?
You become an iWitness.
I’m hosting a party for people who can’t get an orgasm
Please tell me, if you can’t come.
Stormtrooper armor were designed as a joke so they would die instantly when they get shot but then the empire bought out a whole armies worth.
But who’s to blame here, the guy who made them or the guy who placed the order?Kinda explains the clone wars.
Post nut clarity?
Nah, cumming back to your senses.
Disney’s Frozen…
…cryogenically. Isn’t he?
There is no reverse cowgirl in Kentucky
You don’t turn your back on family!
Why should Eggs Benedict be served on chrome dishes at this time of year?
Oh, there’s no plates like chrome, for the hollandaise …
What do you have when you have 2000 British pounds?
A ton of money.
Man walks into a bank asking for an Interest-Free Checking account
“Who cares?” the receptionist says and sighs.
An American sergeant is talking to an Australian trooper
The American yells: “Did you come here to die?!”The Australian replies: “No, I came here yesterday.”
A Hispanic Magician
A Hispanic magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, “Uno, dos – “He disappeared without a tres.
The Smith family name gets its origin from a line of blacksmiths. The Cobbler family name get its origin from a line of shoe repairmen.
What the hell was going on with the Dickinson family?
Why did the skeleton didn’t go to prom?
Because he fat and ugly and no one like him.
Whoever thought of the idea of the french revolution was very thorough
while the concept was mostly raw, the execution was flawless
What does a vegan say to his doctor?
I’m in pain from my head tomatoes
The label said “Stir Well Before Use”.
So I stirred it three days before I needed it.
What’s red, white, and blue?
A sad candy cane.
When Santa tries to sleep with other women . . .
He’s thinking with his South Pole
Mr. T opened up an all you can eat buffet.
It’s called I Pity The Full
You know why there is only one gender?
Cause it’s nerf or nothing
How do you know a drummer is at the door?
Three taps and he comes in late.
When I was younger I poisoned Santa’s milk and cookies as revenge for last year.
Waking up to my dad dead downstairs wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.
Whoever started this “Reddit is giving away 250 coins for giving upvotes” has an iq of 176 cause it has been planned right down to the screenshots of a fake msg from Reddit……you smart mf
I applaud the effort cause you have changed reddits upvote quantity for this entire Christmas season