A dog is not just for christmas
It can do for sandwiches on boxing day too.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Dr – “I’m sorry sir, I’m going to have to advise you to stop Masterbating…
Man – “but why doctor?”Dr – “Because I’m trying to examine you”
What do you eat after a presidential christmas dinner?
Impeach cobbler
Do boys get turned on when a girl sits on their lap?
Had to find out the hard way
Why did the Old man fall into a well ?
Because he couldn’t see that well
I’ve done a survey asking women what shampoo brand they used in shower.
99% of the respondents answered: “What are you doing here? Get out!”
Will glass coffins become a trend in 2020?
Remains to be seen.
Miss Piggy
Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 100?Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
My 4 year old son told me this one
He didn’t really, I just really need the upvotes right now
What starts with I, ends with I and has an I in it?
Answer: Illuminati
My friend and I were looking at a really fancy and expensive handbag
Her: I would die for thisMe: I would kill for thisAfter that we just stared weirdly at each other
My favorite word is “drool”.
It just rolls of the tongue.
I can accurately predict all the major events happening next year…
I have 20/20 vision.Happy holidays folks.
It’s funny when fat people say obesity runs in their family.
because nobody runs in their family
My friend can recognize a woman by looking at her breasts
He says they can hide their face, but they cannot hide their identitties
My dentist asked me if I floss between meals
“No, usually between teeth” I replied.
Why do the Hong Kong police get up early in the morning?
To beat the crowds.
My wife claims that I have zero empathy.
I don’t understand why she feels that way.
Little Leo enjoying himself
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It was probably your sister.
A girl told me to cut my penis off in a fan.It was probably your sister.She said fix the fan.It was broke in 2.
I’m gay
Lmao I’m not gay my boyfriend took my phone and posted that
Why did the kid get creeped out when he was with his uncle playing with an octopus?
Because he expected 8 but he got ten-tickles
Where do shepherds go for a drink?
Bar Bar Black Sheep
If you’re going to be two-faced,
at least make one of them pretty.
What do you call a cube-crafting game that takes place in Iowa?
Des Moinescraft.
Which animal has the biggest mood swings?
A Bi-polar bear.
Why can’t a seal be a DJ
Because they are afraid of club hits
It takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong
and it takes a bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.