What do you call a Halal buffet?
Halal you can eat.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
My cousin has dark hair. His wife is blonde. All four of their kids have light colored hair.
Genetically speaking, there’s a 15 in 16 chance that she’s cheating.
I think it’s fair to say my Aunt Bessie has a drinking problem.
She thinks I’m twins.
Why was the clock on the pillow?
Someone hit the snooze button!
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Why do golfers always bring two pairs of pants?
Just in case they get a hole in one
Today I took a taxi. The passenger before me had left his wallet behind on the backseat
Inside was a picture of my wife and kids.
When I was younger, I lost my virginity to a prostitute and only lasted 3 secs..
I think it was the whoremoans that set me off.
You like to play music?
You can practice on my skin flute
Why does Santa carry a big sack of gifts?
That’s just how he presents himself.
Why are pigs so smooth?
They use oinkment!
I got a sweater for my birthday.
I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
I hate people who take drugs
like policemen and customs officers.
Yes I get all the cool numbers- 420 is a weed thing, 69 is a sex thing…
and 9:45 is bedtime.
HMC While “I take my baby to the old town road” in a bag…
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I asked dad if my mum had a history of mental illness. He snapped and said
“Don’t be disrespectful. You only exist because I stuck my dick in crazy.”
My friend died because we couldn’t remember his blood type.
He kept telling us to be positive but it’s hard without him.
I like my coffee how I like my slaves
Black.It’s ok, am black
What is the best present for Christmas?
Artery.Because it comes from the heart…
I think my calendar is broken…
Haha, April Fools! It works just fine.
A Catholic, a Muslim and a Jew walk into a bar.
Bartender says “Is this some kinda fucking joke”
I tried to be nice to someone today and hold the door open for them
But all they did was scream and fly out the airplane
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather forecast for Christmas was?
It looks like rain, dear.
I finally got my high school dream girl to find me attractive and to be by girlfriend,,, wanna know how I did it?
I waited about 5 years until she was now divorce and a single mom…
What do you get when you cross a gay eskimo and a black guy?
A snowblower that doesn’t work
Why couldn’t the fortune teller see into the future very well?
She didn’t have 20/20 vision
I like my women like I like my coffee
Full of boozeHeard this from a comedian years ago. Don’t remember who
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What is Trump calling his post-house vote vacation?
Time on the Peach.