One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Why did the kid get creeped out when he was with his uncle playing with an octopus?
Because he expected 8 but he got ten-tickles
Where do shepherds go for a drink?
Bar Bar Black Sheep
If you’re going to be two-faced,
at least make one of them pretty.
What do you call a cube-crafting game that takes place in Iowa?
Des Moinescraft.
Which animal has the biggest mood swings?
A Bi-polar bear.
Why can’t a seal be a DJ
Because they are afraid of club hits
It takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong
and it takes a bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul?
Hitler had some respect for the Japanese.
My neighbor just got arrested for growing weed in his back yard.
Apparently my property line isn’t where I thought it was.
it just syncs so good with the sound..
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If you give a mouse a cookie…
He’s going to ask if he can use it to improve your internet browsing experience.
If happiness was contagious…
…you still wouldn’t have any friends.
Why didn’t Pinnochio have many friends?
Because he wasn’t poplar.
How do you discipline your stone?
You hit rock bottom.
Why do programmers prefer dark mode?
Cause light attracts bugs.
If Emperor Palpatine can get laid
Maybe there is hope for incels after all
Why are there more white sugar cubes than brown sugar cubes?
Because demerera
Two girls were laughing at my ringtone in college.
So I played that at their funeral.(Sorry for bad English)
Bit of a gen Z joke here:
VSCO ice cream vendors be like “and I scOOP!”
What is Donald Trump’s favorite dessert?
Im-Peach Cobbler
How does a half-American half-Canadian person deal with a home intruder?
Shoot first, apologize later
Him: All my female sheep ate some fermented berries and have gotten drunk and passed out, should I tell the coroner?
Her: No, that’s a ewe problem; not a ME problem.
Wife: I’m pregnant
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m DadWife: No you’re not
I was sitting on the toilet for an hour. Wondering why I’m still on it
When it hit me that time goes by in a flush.
Why did the polar bear cross the road?
Because of global warming.
TeamTrees reached their goal of 20,000,000 trees planted on the same day Trump got impeached.
Now millions of people can breathe easier.
My friend just told me that he’s a compulsive liar.
I don’t believe a word of it.
How did the sperm walk across the street
Because I put the wrong sock on this morning
Why is Australia situated in the corner?
Because it’s measuring 90 degrees, that’s hot.