What does Santa Clause love the most about Mrs. Clause?
The jingle physics
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
How do you make a hormone?
Don’t pay her…..
Why do atheists love December?
Because there’s three different religious holidays to make fun of people for celebrating.
I have a plan to transplant a rabbit’s cerebellum into a human skull.
It’s a hare-brained scheme.
I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians
Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme
My girlfriend changed when she became a vegetarian
Its like I had never seen herbivore
I knew his name was Levi
But I didn’t expect him to actually do it
The first thing I do after waking up every morning is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
I like my women like I like my coffee…
purchased at above-market rates from eco-friendly organic farming cooperatives in Latin America.
Yesterday i bought a pair of shoes from my drugdealer
But he must have laced them weirdlyI was tripping all day
All women are bi
It’s your job to guess whether it’s sexual or polar.
I would tell you how awkwardly my first experience with anal sex went.
But I don’t want to be the butt of the joke.
A cannibal on the deathbed was guaranteed a last meal of his choosing
After te execution the jail Director reported: ‘His last meal was so demanding, we had to cut staff.’
Why did the diabetic kid die after his mother sent him to bed?
She wished him sweet dreams.
Who is the king of christmas music?
Elfis Presently
I admit it. I’m an unemployed leather worker.
I’ve got nothing to hide.
My friend saw a girl..
Who happened to be a kid but he said no problem after 12 is lunch
What’s the similarity bettween a wife and a handgrenate?
If you pull the ring off them,they take half the house
Regarding the new Witcher series
I have a plethora of jokes concerning Yennefer, but they’re all tongue in cheek.
people always tell me how rude they think it is when people play loud music in public so I was really surprised when people got mad at me for putting a stop to it.
They always tell things like, “Get off the stage!” and “I paid good money for these tickets!”
What’s the worst part about having two dads?
The threesomes.
Poor Mr. Vinegar, he can’t catch a break.
Every time he turns around, he’s in a pickle!
I don’t understand why everyone is getting so excited about Trump’s impeachment
It’s not like it’s unpresidented
my furniture is just like my mental state:
highly unstable and capable of breaking down instantly
Ministers are like Greek gods.
When a country can’t explain something, they create a new one.
It’s not fa la la la la, la la la la.
It’s la la la la sol, fa mi re do.
Are you a transformer
Because you are Optimus fine
What do you call a med student with a D?
Lieutenant*miltary people will get this one. It was told to me while I was in the Navy. Just popped into my head.
Pokemon Related joke
What do you call an office type regi?Registration