I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
I like my coffee how I like my slaves..
Dark and strong.
Shout-out to the people who wear glasses
Soon you guys will be able to see 2020
I was at an interview and was asked where I saw myself in 10 days 12 hours and 47 minutes
I said I don’t have 2020 vision
Why do all green characters names begin with “yo”?
YodaYoshiYoshrekYohulkYomama
If anyone on this sub is thinking of getting married, consider this carefully before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.But on the other hand, you don’t.
What do you a call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t really matter, he won’t come anyway when you call him.
If you’re an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
EuropeanBut on the way you’re Russian
I just found our Dr Pepper was a real Doctor!
Apparently he was a Fizzician.
What’s heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
Water, because butane is a lighter fluid
My coworker treat me like a god
when some shit happen, they crucify me
A dad is given bad news by a doctor…
Doctor: Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.Dad: AND?
I thought of you today.
It reminded me to take out the trash.
When encountered by two paths, the boy took the path not taken
He was later found dead by the police.
I like my coffee like I like my men
Jammed into a plastic container with a lid on top and filled with boiling hot water.
Just named my soundbar Nancy
Because it’s the speaker of the house.
Why is the mail so popular?
Because it’s outgoing.
Why is Leo Messi the perfect BJP candidate
Because he operates on the right wing and cuts through all the opponents who come in his way
I often get ignored or people generally don’t notice me…
I always wanted to be like John Cena.
Oh Lord almighty, tell me how to find happiness
About 422,000,000 results (0.35 seconds)
Someone just asked me how much a pie cost in the bahamas.
How would i know the pie-rates of the caribbean?
What do you get if you mix an octopus and a black person.
I don’t know, but damn it must be really good at picking cotton.
Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
I just saw Rise of Skywalker…
…it was awesome.
TRUMP: There isn’t enough evidence for impeachment
6IX9INE: Your honorTRUMP: Fuck
Why are cannibals well fed?
Because each of their meals is a life’s supply!
All this news about Donald Trump got me wondering..
Is Mario ok with Trump being in peach?
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between the two of us, something smells.
Telemarketing is not a profession.
It’s a calling.
If life gives you melons
You may have dyslexia