I went to the chemist today and asked for a box of condoms
The girl serving asked me if I wanted a bag with it .I said, “No thanks, she’s actually quite pretty.”
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Being a Genie is so much fun.
Last week a kid wished his pets could live as long as him. So I made his parents anti-vaxxers.
“Would you circumcise my son?”
Rabbi: “How old is he?””Five.”Rabbi: “Are you kidding? That’s way past the usual cut off date.”
Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?
Because he likes to leave asians hanging
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender stops him in advance, “We don’t serve noble gases around here.”Helium doesn’t react.
I just watched A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart.
What he’s doing round my house I don’t know.
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a yearSorry if this is a repeated joke- first time poster
A boy asks his dad to explain the solar eclipse,
His father replies,‘No son’.
iSpoofer direct install link is back up
https://www.ispoofer.com/ispoofer-for-pogo-installation/
Two cannibals are eating a clown..
One turns to the other and says, does this taste funny to you?
The waitress asked me if I was familiar with ”Farm to Table” dining.
I told her I was more experienced with fast food and “Table to Toilet” dining.
Why did the grinch rob the liquor store?
He was in need of some holiday spirit
How do you have a long lasting marriage?
Don’t get caught.
Some friends went out caroling dressed as Star Wars characters.
They were LARPing all the way.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
Because he read the weather forecast you idiot
I am so forgetful that I always forget to pack my calculator before my math tests. But I am so smart that I have only failed them a few times…
So few that I can count on my fingers
Got some Christmas Cards from Supermarket.
Turns out they were from Tenko not Tesco.
Just like my ex-husband,
The seasons come and go
I am happy to announce that for the year 2020…
…I wont need to be wearing glasses
I only drink alcohol on days that start with a “T”
Today and tomorrow
I wanted to take my girlfriend out, but didn’t know where she would like to go
So I asked her:Guess where we are going for dinner.To McDonald’s?So I took her to McDonald’s.
Ciśnienie – JazzArt Underground is worth checking out
Never come across these Polish guys before but liking it
Person 1: “Do you know Prince Albert?”
Person 2: “Hmmm…the name rings a bell.”
A Monk
A Monk who claimed he saw the face of Jesus in his Margarine said “He Can’t Believe it’s not Buddha”
My IQ dropped from 70 to 42. I was worried. Then I checked again, it was 110. I was shocked, I checked again to find it was 150. I rushed to the doctor.
She told me it’s my pulse and not my IQ.
I’m going to the theatre for a performance about puns
It’s a play on words
iSpoofer direct install link is back up
iSpoofer for POGO – Installation
Why does the KKK prefer driving Lincoln’s?
Cause as they say they are “All White, All White, All White!”This is satire, please don’t ban me. Fuck racism!
Yo mommas so fat
When u look up the word “fat” in the dictionary, it’s a picture of her!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!1!!!!!